What every 'Good' car owner needs...

A Nodding Jesus Doll!

For more exciting gifts for the discerning religious member of your family, just click on the picture above.

My mother was telling me earlier about a Christmas card she'd sent to a friend in Australia. (Editor: A friend in Australia? Surely not?) There was a cartoon on the front of Santa's sleigh in a very rough district and all of his reindeers had had their legs stolen and were propped up on bricks. Surprisingly similar really to the cartoon I drew up a couple of years back that involved a milkman on a council estate whose cow had had its legs stolen and was propped up on stacks of bricks.

I'm very annoyed. It's bad enough that people steal my cartoons without telling me (common courtesy is always preferable to a smack in the gob) but to plagerise my work and then make money out of it is downright nasty. And the idea that somehow St*ve L*ngille has managed to get his own range of Christmas cards just stinks!

Scripture of the day: "He said, "Naked I came from my mother's womb, and naked shall I return there; the Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."" Job 1:21

All in one: Jesus boy, Dubya boy and many others... Jebus.

According to an item on Channel 4 News, a man in Rottenburg (or somewhere), Germany, advertised on the Internet for: "A well built man, 18 to 30, for slaughter." Out of the five applicants, one was chosen. He was lead into the advertiser's specially designed 'Slaughter Room', murdered on videotape and hacked up into chunks, which were then stored in the freezer and subsequently eaten. (No, I'm not making this up. There's probably a link to this story on some news site somewhere but I can't be arsed looking for it.) Apparently both men are/were presumed to be gay with cannibalistic tendencies.

And do you know what really pisses me off? He's got a diet like that and the bastard hasn't even got gallstones!

Well, you guys on the CNN Europe, we really have a nice Parliament. (Though this building is beauty only seen from without; the inside is full with many dickface politics.)
So, I like the view of this building, and I think, you too. But if I could have a gentle ask, don't illustrate your German article with this photo, right? Many thanks.

Set to any old tune you can come up with...

Your religion's different than my religion,

Your colour of skin is different than my colour of skin,

We don't understand you, therefore we are frightened,

So we are going to kill you, 'cos we've got bigger sticks.

One of the more popular theories put about by the media and bandied willy-nilly nowadays by government spin doctors is that somehow Saddam Hussein is within months of developing a nuclear bomb. "Image that! He could hold the rest of the world to ransom and then we'd all be buggered." Long pause...just to make sure that I'm hearing this correctly. America, Britain, France and Russia...we all have enough nuclear bombs each to destroy the entire planet and every living thing upon it three times over. So what if Saddam did develop a bomb? What's he going to do with it? Within fifteen minutes of pressing the button Iraq would be nothing more than a sizeable bite mark on the planet's surface. There'd be a mushroom cloud hanging over Baghdad the likes of which haven't been seen since Ann Widdicombe last ate Brussels sprouts. Even the tin-pot dictator isn't that stupid, surely?

Back in the early eighties Labour (then under the leadership of Welsh socialist Neil Kinnock) lost the election to Maggie bin Thatch because of his 'unilateral disarmament' plans for Britain. Those were the days when people believed that nuclear arsenals were an excellent deterrent for war. We stockpiled thousands of the bastard things because we knew that Russia would never threaten us if we kept up with arms race. So what's one man and his bomb going to do against our stupendous backlog now? It'd be like someone with a broken twig challenging a fully armed musketeer.

Of course...we wouldn't want the balance of power shifted even slightly towards the Middle East and those ignorant rag-heads, would we? Then where would our oil-prices be?

So this is Christmas, and what have we done?

We've just put some stuffing, up a dead turkey's bum.

So have a Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year,

'Cos we know what will happen as soon as January's here.
Happy Christmas, War is over,

All over the fucking Middle East.

Well bugger me Aunt Gertie with a cucumber! Peter Foster has admitted he deliberately targetted Carol Caplin because of her links with Cherie Blair and now expects to be paid £100,000 for his story. Wonder how much he's REALLY getting paid to take all the flack? Meanwhile Twisted's misery and boredom have just gone into orbit.

Pass the cyanide pills please!!!