A friendly piece of advice to homosexuals. When Channel 4 gives you an hour of air-time to voice your complaints about how society treats you unfairly, try using that time to actually explain what the problems are instead of complaining about how the television stations don't give you enough time to voice your complaints about how society treats you unfairly.

Also try not to waste the rest of the programme by dragging the camera down to the local night club where your friends then proceed to shove their ugly faces into the lens shouting, "Hello sweetie...oh, my adoring public!"

This really doesn't help your case much...whatever your case might be, seeing as you've never actually managed to tell us.

Speaking of homosexuals, I caught the tail end (so to speak) of Silence of the Lambs last night. You know the bit? Where the transsexual tucks his tadger between his legs and dances round in front of the mirror/Channel-4-documentary-camera, trying out his human-skin suit? (Transsexuals...grown men in disguise.) And a horrible thought struck me. I'm now convinced that John Prescott has been building a suit from Leon Briton's old fat. Exactly how he's managed to do this remains an enigma...but these days old 'Two Jags' resembles one of those laboratory toads that we were forced to dissect at school.

Only not as attractive.

I think it would be fair to say that the fat b*stard's giving Jabba the Hutt a run for his money.

Going back to the topic of 'rear entries'...is it just me (and I might be wrong here because the Labour Party Conference is boring at best) but are the details for Uncle Tony's new "Private Finance Initiative" exactly the same as the old Tory plans for privatising absolutely everything without officially privatising it?

Answers on a postcard please. This blog is currently being written off-line in order to comply with BT Internet's new parasite-friendly "Screw the little people" initiative.