Jug-eared inbred future King Charles Spaniel, Chuck Windsor (nee Saxe Coburgh Hitler) is warding off continued rumours that haven't been published by the press this week. (Really...I thought it was a criminal investigation rather than rumours?)
Charlie was allegedly caught bumming his closest butler over tea and scones, causing another palace servant to suffer nightmares and a nervous breakdown. (The thought of it's enough to make me vomit, I must be honest. Those massive ears flapping around as the butler teabags old Chuck round the gnashers.)
Because of the serious nature of the 'rumour' (you can almost hear Sir Cliff sighing with relief as the pressure is diverted...) the future of the monarchy is now in jeopardy...apparently.
So let me get this straight...so to speak. The fact that Charles represents everything that's fascist, totalitarian, greedy, inbred, nepotistic, elitist, classist and corrupt in Britain today doesn't warrent a mention and doesn't threaten the future of the Royal tax-scrounging bastards in any manner...but performing what is supposedly a perfectly legal act does?
For fuck's sake people...the man's been sleeping with Camilla for years...surely we all knew there was something wrong with him sexually somewhere. Don't bring down the monarchy because you're frightened about gay people for Christ's sake...bring 'em down because they're a bunch of cunts...otherwise some other body of aristocratic, right-wing persuasion will just usurp the power vaccuum and nothing will ever change!
Other news and Prince Edward was shocked at the sudden arrival of his baby daughter. Not as much as the rest of us were, I bet. We all thought the original 'butler bumming' rumours were about him.