The venerable Sage of Unyan Dispenser of wisdoms and sayer of sooths to the masses

Upon hearing of the multitudes considered by a Lord of Law to be sophisticated enough to show uncommon mercy to an unrepentant serial sinner who hath discovered a love of all things poetic (allegedly) the Venerable Unyan doth say - blessed are the sophisticated mutitudes who have eyes to see the Lords of Law for the stupid arseholes they most surely are.

Anti-terrorist intelligence today led to a raid on a central London sect of the First Church of the Asylum (FCA) that is suspected of a series of attacks on the British people. Police stormed an address in Downing Street in the early hours of this morning and arrested several idiots who claimed to be running the Asylum. Head of FCA, Tony Baloney, who is said to have close links with international warmonger, Bush the Barbarian, is being questioned about his blatant attempts to destroy British social, financial, military and political institutions (Don’t you mean introduce radical new policies designed to take Britain into the 21st Century? Ed). Baloney’s Consort-Royal, Cherie the Profitess, (Don’t you mean Prophetess? Ed.) (No, shut the fuck up! TS.), defended her husband claiming he was the best leader this country ever had and the miserable gits who were born here are not fit to lick his feet so obviously don’t deserve him. Several tons of documents, said to be evidence of Baloney’s plans to destroy any hope of a decent future for all creeds and colours who have British nationality and are not rolling in dosh, together with bin bags stuffed with empty rhetoric and false promises, were taken away for examination. Baloney, who possesses weapons of mass destruction, is an enemy of common sense and is known to harbour terrorists, will be interrogated about the continual breakdown of British territorial borders to the amusement of the French Government later today.

"The land of the free and the home of the brave!"

or "Coffee, Tea, or Should We Feel Your Pregnant Wife’s Breasts Before Throwing You in a Cell at the Airport and Then Lying About Why We Put You There?"

In late breaking news (for the benefit of our resident sports fanatic Mr. Hughes)

England wins a test match!

Official declaration of the win postponed pending result of swabs. Pakistani bookmaker seen in the Australian team's dressing room. Don't mention the Waughs.

REST OF THE STORY WITH ITS STUNNING CONCLUSION!
(Hover mouse over the 'graphic' graphic for more info.)

And not forgetting the good Agatha ...

"A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion."

It's been one of those chilly, winter days where the the appeal of Fleetwood's ancient slate-pavements and cobbled back streets suddenly doesn't seem as important as unbroken hips and badly scuffed knees. I haven't seen or read any news items today so I've no idea what El Presidento Bush and/or Blair the Merciless are up to. I've also have no idea what member of the royal family has done what to whom...and quite frankly I don't give a stuff. I'm knackered and covered in sawdust, plaster, sellotape and glue. This afternoon (with a little help from my brother) we attempted to erect a shelf to accomodate Michelle's archaeology books in my bedroom. Handiwork of this nature is not my forte. After much cursing, hammering of thumbnails, drilling of hidden pipes, shattering of bricks, splintering of wooden struts and fracturing of plaster walls, we now have a lobsided shelf reminiscent of a background prop from the Poseidon Adventure as seen on television last night. And very proud of it I am as well. Admittedly we bent all the original screws in ways that are impossible to determine and we had to replace them with two-foot long rivets from an oil-tanker. But now not only do we have somewhere to keep Michelle's homework (providing we stick a doorwedge underneath it all at one side) but the old bloke who lives next door has five new coathooks in his bedroom wall (which he doesn't know about yet) and a shower above his bed (which he also doesn't know about but the good people at Lancashire Water Board have been informed and will be round a fortnight on Tuesday to look into the problem).

I would like to say that this is a joyful occasion for both myself and my significant other, who unfortunately must remain anonymous because he still trying to live down his former role as a member of "WHAM" and as a member coming soon to a public toilet near you.


I hope this satisfies those Doubting John Thomases who believed this event was a publicity stunt by Siegfraud and Roy.

Selected photos from S & R's family album.

(1. Great grandma Siegfraud.)
(2. Great grandma Roy.)
(3. Cousin Michael.)
(4. Some old codger what tried to pick them up.)