Monday, January 06, 2003

Anti-terrorist intelligence today led to a raid on a central London sect of the First Church of the Asylum (FCA) that is suspected of a series of attacks on the British people. Police stormed an address in Downing Street in the early hours of this morning and arrested several idiots who claimed to be running the Asylum.
Head of FCA, Tony Baloney, who is said to have close links with international warmonger, Bush the Barbarian, is being questioned about his blatant attempts to destroy British social, financial, military and political institutions (Don’t you mean introduce radical new policies designed to take Britain into the 21st Century? Ed).
Baloney’s Consort-Royal, Cherie the Profitess, (Don’t you mean Prophetess? Ed.) (No, shut the fuck up! TS.), defended her husband claiming he was the best leader this country ever had and the miserable gits who were born here are not fit to lick his feet so obviously don’t deserve him.
Several tons of documents, said to be evidence of Baloney’s plans to destroy any hope of a decent future for all creeds and colours who have British nationality and are not rolling in dosh, together with bin bags stuffed with empty rhetoric and false promises, were taken away for examination.
Baloney, who possesses weapons of mass destruction, is an enemy of common sense and is known to harbour terrorists, will be interrogated about the continual breakdown of British territorial borders to the amusement of the French Government later today.