'We go to liberate, not to conquer'

   

“The Iraqis are sick people and we are the chemotherapy,” said Corporal Ryan Dupre. “I am starting to hate this country. Wait till I get hold of a friggin’ Iraqi. No, I won’t get hold of one. I’ll just kill him.”

"Fifteen members of one family were killed nearby late Monday when their pickup truck was blown up by a rocket from a US Apache helicopter in the region of Haidariya near Hilla, the sole survivor of the attack told AFP. Razak Al Kazem Al Khafaji said he lost his wife, six children, his father, his mother, his three brothers and their wives."

... now are we happy and fulfilled Corporal Ryan Dupre?

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Iraqi chemical threat 'negligible'

The threat of an Iraqi chemical or biological attack against coalition forces has become "negligible", according to US military sources in Iraq.

Captain Adam Mastrianni, the intelligence officer of the 101st Airborne Division's Aviation Brigade, said: "Now that we have penetrated Baghdad's outer ring, the likelihood [of a chemical or biological attack] is negligible.

"The commanding general of the 101st, General David Petraeus gave the order at 9:00pm that soldiers in the division would be able to take off their anti-chemical and biological suits as of Friday morning," he added.

Now let's get this straight. One of the reasons this grisly little exercise began was because Saddam had somewhat more than negligible chemical/biological weapons and weapons of mass destruction. They don't seem to have quite materialised as much as they could have. Maybe Saddam is (was?) one of those loony collectors. He has them, but they are locked away in his "Museum of Modern Arms" where, whenever the mood takes him he can sit down in a comfy chair, light up a cigar, tipple a port and appreciate them for their intrinsic beauty.

We're still waiting for the smoking Godot.

Two fine typos courtesy of a couple of small local Australian newspapers.





Today I took possession of the key to the Editor's office. Nothing had prepared me for what I was to discover. It this a dagger I see before me? No ... I was staring down the barrel of the smoking gun ... the Holy Grail of Justification ... the fabled weapons of mass destruction!



A viper has been nestling in the ROTW's collective breast. Bring back the troops from Iraq. Reassign them to Broughton ... immediately! The cornered rat former Editor has threatened to stone himself to death by running on his own gall bladder rather than be taken alive. This must not and will not happen, I demand a show trial, a good old fashioned Aussie kangaroo court and a pubic public deknackering.

In every war there are many battles; some of them fought over scraps of land, others waged on a more personal basis. This particular war is no exception. On Friday I shall be donning my khaki pyjamas, strapping several Thomas Hardy novels beneath my belt and heading off to some clinic or other in a place called Broughton where heavy casualties in the gallstone department are expected. The surgeons have promised me a short, sharp, shock and awe keyhole conflict. Naturally I'm taking them at their word and sending three days worth of grapes ahead to sustain me through the liberation.

If things go badly, however, and here Andy Warhole springs to mind, I might be gone some time. Apologies in advance to Nancy for not being able to contribute my usual "View from Britain" diatribe this week. Hopefully I'll be back as soon as possible...especially seeing as the beds will be needed for the incoming wounded troops. (That's all I need...a ward full of squaddies whinging about anti-war protesters!) And apologies to my regular fan for having to leave this board entirely in Deputy Editor Sedgwick's hands for the duration.

A man has to do what a man has to do and if a few gallstones fall foul of my doings over the following few weeks then at least I've done...did...will do...what I had to do...did...to get it done. And if I fall in field of conflict think only this of me...(Editor's note: Fuck off to hospital for Christ's sake and don't come back in a hurry!)

Blog Master Hughes, I heard a rumor (actually it was directly from you at webcomics.com) that you're going to the hospital this weekend to finally have that viscious gallbladder removed. If this is true and not an April Fools Joke then I wish you all the best. Get better soon and I'm sure you'll be relieved and glad when that vile orb of evil is gone once and for all. I'll drink heavily in your honor this weekend, and say a prayer to any supreme beings watching down on us, assuming they're from another planet since all the world's fabricated religious supreme beings are so fucking stupid and evil. Keep a positive attitude, man! It will be worth it when it's over and your health will be perfect and your mind will sense the riddance of the evil gallbladder and will develop telepathic abilities far beyond those of mere mortals and you will be able to shoot laser beams out of your eyes and fly around the world fighting crime and those evil villains bent on the prospect of molesting innocent wombats.

Kevin...the rumours are indeed true. In fact I've just posted my final blog for some (hopefully short) time. Gallstones beware...it's hammer time folks! Cheers for the encouragement and please feel free to stage a coup in my absence against Deupty Editor Sedgwick if he starts getting out of hand. Uprisings against evil bearded dictators are strongly recommended.

Dear Reader, the previous paragraph should be ignored. That message has been examined by the ROTW Psyops team and found to have been pre recorded 2 years ago by an Editor double.

The benign bearded Deputy Editor reports that regime change has begun much as predicted .

'Like the people of France in the 1940s, they view us as their hoped for liberators.'
Paul Wolfowitz, Deputy US Defence Secretary, 11 March, 2002

'I really do believe we will be greeted as liberators ... The read we get on the people of the ROTW is there's no question but that they want to get rid of the Editor.'
US Vice-President Dick Cheney, 16 March

'This will be no war - there will be a fairly brief and ruthless editorial intervention. The Deputy Editor will give an order. [The attack] will be rapid, accurate and dazzling... It will be greeted by the majority of the ROTW staff as an emancipation.'
Christopher Hitchens, Vanity Fair writer, in a debate, 28 January, 2003

'I believe demolishing Hughes' editorial power and liberating the ROTW would be a cakewalk.'
Ken Adelman, former US ambassador to UN, 13 February, 2002


'Hughes is much weaker than we think he is. He's weaker digestively . We know he's got about a third of what he had in 1991. But it's a house of cards. He rules by fear because he knows there is no underlying support. Support for Hughes, including within the Board of Management of the ROTW, will collapse at the first whiff of wombat droppings.'
Richard Perle, recently resigned chairman of the Defence Policy Board, 11 July, 2002
Comments source.

Statues and portraits of the Butcher of Bloghdad are being torn down by joyful staff members. There is dancing, singing and bonking throughout the length and breadth of the ROTW office. A "Shock and Awe" surgical strike upon the Broughton Hospital is precision pencilled in for 0100 hours Friday. The ROTW's recenty hired Peter "Did I really say that?" Arnett will be providing full on the spot coverage of the final solution from the roof of the Broughton Book Depository.

I shall be heading an interim administration until I have fully gutted the resources, bank accounts and liquor cabinet of the ROTW free and open elections can be held.

I thank you for your support during these troubled times. Staff may take an hour off on the house for the official hoisting of the former editor's gall bladder at Traitors' Gate. (Ladies a plate.)

More from the Rant of the Week's front line artist:

April 1 link d'amusement ('scuse my great grandma Hughes' frog) which is a fine spoof of this ... the News page from the Australian version of the BBC.

Also here a couple of Oz blogs worth a gecko ...

http://johnquiggin.blogspot.com/

Extract:- "Ten days into the war, the high moral standards proclaimed by the Coalition leaders are rapidly being replaced by the brutal reality that this is going to be a war much like most others, with both sides committing grave crimes, and nobody really winning in the end. It's already become clear that nothing said by either side can be trusted (I won't resume the futile debate over which side is lying more). And, as the Pentagon has quietly dropped or relaxed restrictions on targeting civilian areas and civilian infrastructure, we can expect a steadily rising civilian death toll even before large-scale urban fighting begins. Of course, if Saddam had only surrendered peacably, or fought out in the open as the US wanted him to, none of this would have happened - the same is true of every war in history where one side has an overwhelming advantage in conventional terms."

http://www.shesellssanctuary.blogspot.com/

Extract:- "Anyway, great interview by Kerry O'Brien last night, in which he asked the PM if he's stopped beating his wife, and the PM said no, but he only beats her a little bit, and it's for her own good, y'see. OK, I'm joking but it was a killer question from Kerry (from memory): "Prime Minister, how many civilian deaths are acceptable to win this war?". Squirming somewhat, John Howard admitted we were entering a "difficult" phase of the war, that increased civilian casualties are likely if the US is forced to resort to its fabled "Shock and Awe" campaign to take Baghdad. I doubt I'm alone in fearing that Saddam has a few tricks up his sleeve. Prime Minister, now is the time to take a reality check yourself and bring our troops home. Show some ticker, mate."

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A little bon mot or two found in The Feral Eye Rant of the Week guest book. I'm a sucker for a well argued, well presented empassioned point of view and Robert has sure set me a'rethinkin' about the error of our ways.

Comments: "Your anti-war rhetoric fails to address the true oppresive nature which mandated that some action be taken to liberate the Iraqi people. The shat that comes from thy mouth is truly nausiating. You and your fellow anti-war movement participants should be happy to live in an enviroment that allows such rhetoric without a fear of being put to death. Perhaps you and your mates would like to relocate your residence to North Korea and enjoy the privilages of living under a fine DICKtatorship."
Robert Justice of http://www.trulytrash.blogspot.com/ ... sorry Robbie me boy, don't blame anybody else, YOU chose the name of your Blog.

I do love the smell of a good eponym in the morning.