Wednesday, April 02, 2003

Blog Master Hughes, I heard a rumor (actually it was directly from you at that you're going to the hospital this weekend to finally have that viscious gallbladder removed. If this is true and not an April Fools Joke then I wish you all the best. Get better soon and I'm sure you'll be relieved and glad when that vile orb of evil is gone once and for all. I'll drink heavily in your honor this weekend, and say a prayer to any supreme beings watching down on us, assuming they're from another planet since all the world's fabricated religious supreme beings are so fucking stupid and evil. Keep a positive attitude, man! It will be worth it when it's over and your health will be perfect and your mind will sense the riddance of the evil gallbladder and will develop telepathic abilities far beyond those of mere mortals and you will be able to shoot laser beams out of your eyes and fly around the world fighting crime and those evil villains bent on the prospect of molesting innocent wombats.

Kevin...the rumours are indeed true. In fact I've just posted my final blog for some (hopefully short) time. Gallstones's hammer time folks! Cheers for the encouragement and please feel free to stage a coup in my absence against Deupty Editor Sedgwick if he starts getting out of hand. Uprisings against evil bearded dictators are strongly recommended.

Dear Reader, the previous paragraph should be ignored. That message has been examined by the ROTW Psyops team and found to have been pre recorded 2 years ago by an Editor double.

The benign bearded Deputy Editor reports that regime change has begun much as predicted .

'Like the people of France in the 1940s, they view us as their hoped for liberators.'
Paul Wolfowitz, Deputy US Defence Secretary, 11 March, 2002

'I really do believe we will be greeted as liberators ... The read we get on the people of the ROTW is there's no question but that they want to get rid of the Editor.'
US Vice-President Dick Cheney, 16 March

'This will be no war - there will be a fairly brief and ruthless editorial intervention. The Deputy Editor will give an order. [The attack] will be rapid, accurate and dazzling... It will be greeted by the majority of the ROTW staff as an emancipation.'
Christopher Hitchens, Vanity Fair writer, in a debate, 28 January, 2003

'I believe demolishing Hughes' editorial power and liberating the ROTW would be a cakewalk.'
Ken Adelman, former US ambassador to UN, 13 February, 2002

'Hughes is much weaker than we think he is. He's weaker digestively . We know he's got about a third of what he had in 1991. But it's a house of cards. He rules by fear because he knows there is no underlying support. Support for Hughes, including within the Board of Management of the ROTW, will collapse at the first whiff of wombat droppings.'
Richard Perle, recently resigned chairman of the Defence Policy Board, 11 July, 2002

Comments source.

Statues and portraits of the Butcher of Bloghdad are being torn down by joyful staff members. There is dancing, singing and bonking throughout the length and breadth of the ROTW office. A "Shock and Awe" surgical strike upon the Broughton Hospital is precision pencilled in for 0100 hours Friday. The ROTW's recenty hired Peter "Did I really say that?" Arnett will be providing full on the spot coverage of the final solution from the roof of the Broughton Book Depository.

I shall be heading an interim administration until I have fully gutted the resources, bank accounts and liquor cabinet of the ROTW free and open elections can be held.

I thank you for your support during these troubled times. Staff may take an hour off on the house for the official hoisting of the former editor's gall bladder at Traitors' Gate. (Ladies a plate.)