Australian officials on high alert after terror warning.

"Authorities are on high alert after the United States warned Australia of a possible threat by terrorists to blow up power stations and electrical transmission lines.

The warning, relayed by Washington to federal Attorney-General Daryl Williams, was received by several countries.

But Mr Williams said while there was no specific information (Mmmm, I seem to have heard that phrase trotted out a fair few times lately.) about a strike on Australian soil, no country could afford to be complacent."

Excellent stuff from those clever chaps in intelligence. A "possible" threat warning, received by "several countries", containing "no specific information".

Mr Williams is also taking seriously the phone call from President Cry Wolf Bush warning all Australians that the sky was about to fall in and that America was the only nation powerful enough to stop the disaster ... but only if Australians give him succour (especially of the sort that is born every minute) in his Holy War against the notorious astronomical terrorist Saddam Bin Steve Hawking who is believed to be developing string theories of mass destruction.

"War is stupid...and people are stupid."

Michael Jackson simultaneously explaining why people buy his crappy records and setting the Peace Movement back by several centuries.

"Thou shalt not Kill" and "If thine enemy strikes thee turn and offer him the other cheek."

The Bibble or something...obviously a book not digested and cogitated upon by George Born-Again Bush and Tony New-Labour-New-Christian Blair.

"I didn't bounce, I coughed," said Tigger.

"Bouncy or coffy, it's all the same at the bottom of the river."

The House at Pooh Corner...and having scoured the book from cover to cover I couldn't find anything more relevant to the current state of World Politics than that I'm afraid.

"What the f*ck is this?"

Michael Barrymore's swimming pool cleaner.

URGENT - DUDLEY EARTHQUAKE APPEAL

At 00:54 on Monday 23 September an earthquake measuring 4.8 on the Richter
scale hit Dudley, UK causing untold disruption and distress -
* Many were woken well before their giro arrived
* Several priceless collections of memento's from the Balearics and Spanish
Costa's were damaged
* Three areas of historic and scientifically significant litter were
disturbed
* Thousands are confused and bewildered, trying to come to terms with the
fact that something interesting has happened in Dudley
One resident, Donna-Marie Dutton, a 17 year old mother-of-three said "It
was such a shock, little Chantal-Leanne came running into my bedroom
crying. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Storm slept through it. I
was still shaking when I was watching Trisha the next morning."

Apparently though, looting did carry on as normal.
The British Red Cross have so far managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny
Delight to the area to help the stricken masses.
Rescue workers are still searching through the rubble and have found large
quantities of personal belongings including benefit books and jewellery
from Elizabeth Duke at Argos.

HOW YOU CAN HELP

* £2 buys chips, scraps and blue pop for a family of four
* £10 can take a family to Stourport for the day, where children can play
on an unspoiled canal bank among the national collection of stinging
nettles
* 22p buys a biro for filling in a spurious compensation claim

PLEASE ACT NOW
Simply email us by return with your credit card details and we'll do the
rest!
If you prefer to donate cash, there are collection points available at your
local branches of Argos, Iceland and Clinton Cards

"A column I wrote in the aftermath of September 11 had me attacked by the froth-mouthed phalanx of right-wing pundits, the sound of whose fingers hitting the keyboard recalls the thud of approaching jackboots.

Then I was frogmarched to the Press Council and dragged in chains to the Human Rights Commission. The accusations against me? They ranged from un-American activities (to which I proudly plead guilty) to treason.

You see, I'd tried to remind Australia that rushing to America's colours was, as demonstrated in Vietnam, a health hazard. Before we signed up for the war against terror, wherever that might lead us, I thought it important to remember that the US has been the most trigger-happy of nations. With a long history of bellicosity and a culture of violence."
Phillip Adams
More ...

Just thought I'd share my latest Spill, for those viewers who may enjoy a refreshing American political perspective about puppies being used as undergarments. Okay, I admit it's not political at all. I just don't think that way.

Speaking of absurdity in cartooning...what the hell has happened to Paul "Organ" Morgan? His website seems to have disappeared. Has anyone heard any stories about Paul losing his touch with reality and leaving his life behind to wander the Washington D.C. Area with a sniper rifle? Hope you return soon, Mr. Organ. The world needs your cartoons!

Editor's note: Oddly enough Kevin old chap I've just sent Paul an e-mail asking him where he's gone. Of course, the chances are, he won't be around to respond to said e-mail. Anyway while I'm here, rather than having to start a new post, apparently (and this is unconfirmed because I haven't read the article and I'm far too lazy to be bothered tracking it down) Jim Bowen, the cultural mastermind responsible for the 70's combined darts and quiz show 'Bullseye', was recently sacked from his local radio station for calling one of his guests a 'Nig Nog'. This is disgraceful and shocking behaviour in the twenty-first century. Jim Bowen having his own radio show! I ask you...what's the world coming to?

I’m too tired to rant tonight. It’s been a long week. However, for the benefit of any HEO’s at the Civil Service in Thornton who happen to be passing I’d just like to say, “Cheer up you miserable b*stards!”

Putting your subordinates on report for sending each other silly e-mails and printing off jokes on the office equipment is not conducive to improving the work output. Your staff would respond better to a cheerful environment instead of having to kow-tow to tyrannical little Hitlers like yourselves. Grow up or drop dead. Or alternatively develop a sense of humour and downsize your arrogance. Tossers!

Enough...here’s this week’s Scrag End cartoon for those who can’t be arsed etc:

Sedgwick is back after a short funereal interlude.

Highly Personal Rant of the Week.

Insurance companies ... you've got to love them.

RACV, a large insurance company to which I pay large amounts of money prides itself on its "paperless claims process".

I had cause to impose on their benevolence and make such a claim. Jason who took details of my claim told me that Carol would be my "case manager" and he would transfer me immediately to the said Carol to process said claim.

"Hello I'm Kathy, can I help you?"

"You aren't Carol then?"

"No Carol isn't in at the moment."

I related details of my claim to the ersatz Carol. I had the feeling that Kathy didn't quite know what I was talking about. Fancy not having confidence in a 15 year old work experience lass press ganged into a call centre! Later in the day I rang back to prosecute my case and to allay my mounting trepidation.

"Hello, I'm Narelle can I help you?"

"So you aren't Carol either?"

"No, Carol is on leave."

"How long has she been on leave?"

"Over a week."

Jason had placed my claim in the hands of someone who had already been on leave for a week and was not due to return for another fortnight. A titanically sinking feeling was filling my gumboots.

Foolishly I soldiered on, repeating the details. Then having lighted the blue touch claim I retired to the neutral corner, reached for the smelling salts.

Some days elapsed. I hoped Carol was enjoying her holidays and was having her knickers pleasurably removed on a regular basis.

As no communication had transpired for 4 days I rang back.

"Hello, this is Janine can I help you?"

"So this is still not my personally appointed case manager Carol?"

"No, Carol is still on holidays, and will be for a few weeks more."

"O.K. then, at what stage is my claim at?"

"Has "Acme Insurance Assessors" contacted you yet?"

"No."

"Oh, they should have, I will transfer you across to them right now"

"Hello this is Acme Insurance Assessors how can we help you?"

Conversation ensued during which Acme informed me that they had not received anything from the insurance company.

Bloody hell! If Carol wasn't swanning about the Bahamas half pissed, being bonked within an inch of her life I'm sure none of this would have happened!

Time passes. The assessors arrive, do what they do and depart. Some days later the assessors ring. All is hunkydory, their report has been forwarded to the insurance company and I could expect payment within 5-10 working days.

10 working days pass. Payment is less than palpable.

Ah, Carol should be back at the helm, incandescant with wall to wall post coital glow. All will be well with the World.

"Hello, this is Brianna."

OH SHIT!

I give my case number to the delightful Brianna, who then told me that they have yet to receive any paperwork from Acme Insurance Assessors.

Hang up, ring Mr. Acme. Mr Acme tells me that details had been forwarded 3 weeks ago, but will fax them across again tout suite.

That is where it presently stands. I may post further details later, but right now I have to go out to purchase a semi automatic and a pack of tarot cards and take up position outside the RACV insurance offices.