Saturday, September 28, 2002

Bush says Saddam "tried to kill my dad"

Saying "this is the guy who tried to kill my dad," President George W. Bush embraced disarming and ousting Iraqi leader Saddam Hussein as a "uniquely American issue."

"Other countries of course, bear the same risk. But there's no doubt his hatred is mainly directed at us," Bush said at a political fundraiser on Friday. "After all, this is the guy who tried to kill my dad."

In a private briefing to CNNNNNN reporters the President disclosed that Saddam had also tried to steal the deeds to the Bush ranch, had rustled cattle, had badmouthed his sweetheart Miss Elly Mae, poisoned the waterholes and welched on a round of drinks at the "O.K. Saloon".

"He is a sidewinder, lower than a snake's belly and we're a gonna have ourselves a nukular lynchin' before sundown", the President said. "Nobody who doesn't like the freedom of our free American society democratically based on the bedrock cornerstone foundations of liberty and the right to express our beliefs in a concise and clear manner flies in the face of all those things we hold dear to our hearts and minds, one of which are not to mess with the institution of the family, which in this case means not taking pot shots at my Dad, the former President formerly still known as my father. I don't think I cannot state the case more clearlier than that."

And in other related news.
  • "Oedipus declares a fatwa on himself."
  • "In a bid to match and better Saddam's tactics primates at the San Diego Zoo have been auditioned. The leader of the "Plant More Bushes" task force said "results are promising, all that remains now is to undertake an intensive program of dumbing down the successful candidates"."
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