Tuesday, January 28, 2003

I can never understand why it is America in its phenomenal shinning greatness still needs to test its weapons on poorly dressed, usually with poor hygene, underage populations of the Third World (TW). You'd think that in some Office of Strategic Convoluted Thinking Department of Defensive Loud Explosive Armaments Division of the Department of Defense there would be a small room where warm moist consultants who are paid very high rates of the taxpayer's cash would decide to try out their new weapons on a more deserving population. Some say France would be a good compromise with a highly literate urban population surrounded by small rotund peasant farmers who like to eat mushrooms their pet pigs choose by rooting them out of the ground with their noses. Isn't "mushroom" a polite term for "fungus"? This is supposed to be "civilized". I like the idea of France, it is actually a very good idea, something about bringing "civilization" to countries that they just recently butchered for their resources.
But the idea has never been executed very well.

The real reason I'd like to test weapons on France is that they are known to have a nuclear force of their own, have rockets capable of delivering a payload to anywhere else in Europe. So they are a known threat. They also originated the idea of deconstruction, which has come to mean, "If I write this paper and make it incomprehensible, I'll get a job teaching upper level literary theory to really hot chicks."

The United States ought to consider what a threat France is, will, and has been to it. This is the country that considers Jerry Lewis some kind of genius! I remember Jerry Lewis when I was a kid watching TV, acting like a complete embarrassing idiot, and it was supposed to be funny, people were punished with social scorn if they didn't laugh as he acted like a moron. I never understood the attraction, there were and still are enough morons to go around who don't even pretend to be acting.

On that basis alone I'd like to propose that all weapons planned for use on Iraq be tested first on France, especially Paris where the snootiest, most annoying urban population of the entire world makes a living as a shinning beacon of fashion sophistication, and bad driving.