Saturday, August 09, 2003

Good old Auntie Beeb has issued her annual back slapping propaganda report. It's all available here but to save you the bother of having to wait for forty minutes whilst it loads it's self-congratulatory little animations and adverts in, I've copied the essential bits out for you and filled in the gaps with my own commentary.

What the twelve inbred members of the aristocracy appointed by the government BBC Provides for your licence fee:

Before I continue let's just do some maths. Twenty-five million households in Britain, all paying £120.00 a year for the licence. That's a total of (sticks thumb up nose, chews bottom lip, takes off socks and counts toes, snips off big toe with scissors to adjust the numbers) £3,000,000,000.00 a year! Let me just check that...five multiplied by two add the carried one...yep...£3,000,000,000.00 a year!
Now then...there's 365 days in a year so that's £3,000,000,000.00 divided by 365... (more brain wheezing and creaking) gives you roughly £8,290,000.00 a day. Or to put that into words...eight million, two hundred and ninety thousand pounds a day. Almost as much as Children in Need raises every four years. this is what the bastards do with all that money.

The BBC provides:

Eight BBC television channels.
Unfortunately 99.9 per cent of the population only receive two channels and the other point one per cent have to spend even more money buying the machine to decode the extra crap which mainly consists of repeats.
Ten BBC radio networks. And all of them feature Terry Wogan.
More than fifty local BBC services. I hate to mention this but surely they're included in the 'eight' BBC Channels, aren't they?
High-quality local and national news, debate, documentaries, live music, original drama and entertainment. The 'High Quality' bit is highly questionable. Channel Four and ITV provide much better quality programmes completely free of charge!
Childrens' programmes, educational and interactive services, orchestras, concerts, minority language programmes, social action campaigns. Interactive services? Only if you pay the extra money! Minority language programmes? Are we talking about BBC Wales here? Surely Channel Four Wales deserves a mention at this point too, then?
Training and support for British production skills and talent in music, drama, film, radio and television. So long as you happen to be related to somebody who already works at the BBC!

What a heap of old shit. The vast majority of that £3,000,000,000.00 is spent on holidays for nepotistic presenters and camera crews, inbred fuckwit's expensive luncheons, mansions for Jim Davidson, freebies for Alan Yentob and gratuitous promotions for JK Rowling. The whole fucking thing stinks to high heaven and it's about time the BBC was abolished along with the aristocratic shitheads in charge of the bastard thing.
And whilst we're about it, let's have Ulrika Johnson shot live on air as they're pulling the final plug!