Sorry my friends, I was squeezed and I don't be able to rant.
But I have found interesting links.

Patriotism. It's a very strange beetle such as the live webcam about the sexy Georgie or the cheap business of the Naked Girls for America. It's realy great.

And an another great thing: do you love the Prime Number Shitting Bear? It is the nicest thing since the Buffon needles.

Well, it comes hard times. People have to get ready to the pain and suffering. Thanks Hot God, we have Help, it is the unique Fed-ex shipping Fire Bible.
An another holy crap.

The Americans have the nerve to link Islamic fundamentalism with terrorism. This is rich coming from a nation that promotes, in many states, Christian fundamentalist creationism in the face of overwhelming scientific evidence to the contrary.
The US toppled the Taliban regime because it was inconvenient, not because it was violating human rights in Afghanistan. Granted, the Taliban are a bunch of religious fascists who wreaked ever greater havoc as their stranglehold on power tightened. However, they were allowed to subjugate the Afghan people while it suited US international policy to do so. Bush had an ulterior motive for smashing the regime and 911 was merely the catalyst. The question people should be asking is…what use is Afghanistan to the global gangsters who run the western oil corporations?
Where was the US when Saddam used chemical weapons and sundry murderous practises (which are ongoing) against his own people? What does Iraq have that the US wants? It certainly isn’t all that sand and camel shit!

According to fundamentalist Christians (I won't mention any names) we should stop celebrating Halloween altogether because it invites Satan into our children's minds or something like that.

Click here if you want to suffer the Christian perspective of Halloween.

Like me, you'll probably become too bored and disinterested to finish reading this crap. I admit that, as a kid, I had a lot of fun with Halloween. I still attend parties with friends at the age of 35 and have a great time dressing up as absurdly as possible. I am certain none of this good time has anything to do with a fictional henchman doing the dirty work of a fictional god. I'd like to invite some of these fundamental extremist bedwetters to this year's Halloween bash and wait for the perfect moment when they're standing too close to the bonfire. Of course, before I could do them any real harm I'm sure the hand of the great white male fictional god of the Bible would drop from the sky and save their sorry asses. Right!

Hey...I think I actually just "ranted" about something! That's kind of fun!

Friendly Advice for British Kids this Autumn!

1) If you insist on celebrating the American tradition of Trick or Treats then at least try to make an effort. Sticking your balaclava on back-to-front does not constitute a Halloween costume. As a result the only thing you'll be likely to get off me is a black eye. Also, at least get off your pushbikes before you knock on my door you lazy little gits.

2) Halloween doesn't take place until October 31st. No matter how many times you call at my house in one night I will not be buying any sweets until at least October 30th so don't bother annoying me. The same goes for Guy Fawkes Night so stop letting your fireworks off down the back alley or I'll be forced to connect my hosepipe up to the tap in the garden and give you all a thorough drenching.

3) I will not donate a 'Penny to the Guy' if said Guy is just a child sat in a shop doorway wearing a back-to-front balaclava. The only thing I'm likely to donate under such circumstances is a kick.

4) Be warned in advance...if you do visit my house on October 31st I have balanced a bucket of offal above my front door. I'll give you Trick or Treat you opportunist little bastards.

5) If you insist on lighting bangers in the cafe at least make sure that they're securely held between your teeth.

6) And remember kids, lighting fireworks CAN be fun. Just always make sure that the fireworks, once lit, are placed in a glass bottle and the lid is tightly screwed down. Don't stand more than three feet away from said bottle and, if wearing glasses, remove them.

Autumn! It's a great time for kids to be tucked up in hospital where they belong!

A HERO OF OUR TIMES

Mel Gibson is currently filming in Italy. He is adept at playing heroic individuals, more lately ones that are lavishly sticking it to us evil Brits. This paragon of American virtue and defiant, punch-em-in-the-face-and-spit-in-their-eyes stoicism is giving the finger to the terrorists of the Middle East by his mere presence in the Mediterranean area. Bravery beyond the call of Hollywood you might think. Brave of him then to include a clause in his contract that gets him the f*ck out of Europe on the first plane across the Atlantic should Bush unsportingly launch his attack on Iraq before filming wraps. Nice one Mel!

"Ooh, Mr Bush...please Sir can I go to the toilet?"

In light of the events of Saturday, John Howard has declared Sunday as Australia's National Day or Mourning. Here Mr Howard has taken a leaf out of British Prime Minister Tony spin Blair's book (as exercised following the death of the Queen Mum) in that, seeing as Sunday is the weekly day off work anyway, people can grieve without losing any money for their bosses.

Patriotism = Xenophobia = Racism

A personal analysis of why people become patriotic!

When individuals are ugly or stupid or lacking in talent because they’re fat and crap in bed they turn to outside influences to bolster their self-confidence. It’s only human nature to want to be proud of something and, unable to have pride in themselves, rubbish people latch on to some larger organisation with which to associate. That’s why cretins support football teams or are proud of their race, their religious beliefs, their gender, their sexual orientation, their class, their musical tastes and, most importantly, their nations!

Americans are particularly patriotic. That’s because America is full of fat, stupid, ugly bastards who like to associate with television programmes that feature slim, good looking and witty characters.

The Brits, on the other hand, tend to be more well-rounded people on the whole. We’re not as patriotic because we’re better as individuals than Americans are. That’s what makes us great. That’s why we’re better than all the other stupid countries in the World!

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Other News: And following Saturday’s tragic events in Bali, Prime Minster John Howard has arranged a televisual spectacular to soothe discomforted souls across Australia. In this extravaganza Rolf Harris will read from the bible, Kylie Minogue will sing the National Anthem, Clive James will give a stirring patriotic speech designed to ease the pain and suffering of a nation in shock and Skippy the Bush Kangaroo will join forces with Yahoo Serious and Paul Hogan to light 300 memorial candles in the forests around Sydney. (If there are any forests left by this point, of course, after last month’s candle-lighting debacle got a bit out of control.)

Already plans for a huge weeping wombat statue are being drawn up to be placed on Ayres Rock as a symbol of universal mourning. In America coach tour operators are taking bookings for looters, sick bastards and pillagers to visit the bombed-out Balinese night-club.

AUSTRALIANS! BE PATRIOTIC! SUPPORT THE WAR AGAINST TERRORISM BY BUYING AN AUSTRALIAN FLAG FOR ONLY $3.99 FROM “SCRAG END RIP-OFF MERCHANTS LTD”!

Please note: If you don’t buy a flag it’ll prove that you’re in league with the Al Q’aeda network and you’ll be sent to live on an abandoned island with those other despicable refugee terrorists. So buy a flag now! You know it makes sense.

God Bless Bali, the greatest nation on the planet!

Sheila was very impressed by the way in which Bruce had speared the vicious wombat with his flag staff.