Monday, July 14, 2003

Hello boys and girls! Today we're going to discuss gay priests in the Anglican Church and whether we should follow the Catholic Church's example and string them up by their bollocks.
Sweaty piss flaps!
And we all know what Baby Jesus here thinks, don't we children? He said that we have to hate homosexuals and not allow them into the church at all.
Oy! I never said that y' fat bitch! Don't go stickin' words in me mouth. I've got enough trouble with y' stickin' y' big blotchy udders in there!
Actually I think you'll find that you did say that, Baby Jesus.
Oh no I didn't!
Oh yes you did.
And y' can pack that irritating pantomime dog shit in and all y' fuckin' ugly mound of piss. If you'd actually bothered t' read my book you'd have discovered that what I said was, "Do not remove the splinter in somebody else's eye when there's a log in your own" (which I'm tempted to put there meself as soon as me next bowel movement happens) and "Turn the other cheek" and "Suck my Dick, whore!"
Rustle of pages turning eagerly.
Look! Page One! No man shall sleep with another man, shall have same sex relations, tongue dogs knackersacks or teabag gerbils.
Well, if you'd done your research properly y' gestating warthog you'd have realised that I didn't write that fuckin' book. Me dad did! I wrote the New Testicle which happens t' be a bit more testicles ought t' be. So who are y' going t' follow? Me or me dad?
Sounds of old sock being stuffed into Baby Jesus' mouth.
Right, well that's sorted that out then. Brown hatters need to be stamped out, children. So torch yourself a queer today!