Why am I reminded of the armless, legless Black Knight from "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" ?

"Brig. Gen. Mark Kimmitt said coalition offensive operations continue the length and breadth of Iraq. He said the attacks anti-coalition forces are launching on coalition troops are "insignificant." Kimmitt said the coalition is facing an enemy that cannot defeat it militarily. "In engagement after engagement, we see the enemy breaking off and running away,"* he said. "Militarily, their attacks are insignificant against coalition forces."

Kimmitt would not discuss specifics about the soldiers' deaths Sunday and rebuffed all questions about the circumstances. "We're not going to be ghoulish about this," he said.

Reporters asked how U.S. troops have changed tactics against the enemy that seems to want to get closer to coalition troops. "There are offensive operations that we have conducted recently -- Iron Hammer, Ivy Cyclone, Rifle Blitz -- that are causing us to get awful close to the enemy as well," Kimmitt said. "Every time we fight them, we win. Our soldiers are not afraid of this enemy. This enemy is not well-trained; he may be clever at times." He said overall the country remains stable, and all forces are on the alert."

*Would someone please send Brig. Gen. Mark Kimmitt a manual on guerilla warfare.

"Terrorism is a technique. It is not an ideology or a political philosophy, let alone an enemy state." Jonathan Steele.

(FYI Twisted. Hot linking.)

Dear Dr. Twisted, I had a few minutes to spare and thought I'd just crimp this off...

Dr. Twisted would like to introduce you to the declaration of a very sensitive young man who wants to reach out to the world so that he can share the pain of his encounter with a black-hearted faction that so threatens his cosy security and rose tinted vision. His words come from the heart so Twisted, out of the kindness of her own cold and stony heart, is happy to oblige him.

Yo boy said:

Repeat after me: realize that nothing I say matters to anyone else on the entire planet.
My opinions are useless and unfocused. I am an expert in nothing. I know
nothing. I am confused about almost everything. I cannot, as an
individual, ever possibly know everything, or even enough to make editorial
commentary on the vast vast majority of things that exist in my world. This
is a stupid document; it is meaningless drivel that I do not expect
any of the several billion people on my planet to actually read. People who
do read my rambling, incoherent dumbfuckery are probably just as confused as
I am, if not moreso, as they are looking to my sorry ass for an opinion when
they should be outside playing Frisbee with their dog or screwing their life
partner or getting a dog or getting a life partner. Anyone who actually
takes the time to read my bullshit probably deserves to ingest my fucked up
and obviously mistaken opinions on whatever it is that I have written about.

And Dr. Twisted replied:

Don’t be so down Yo. I took the time to read your bullshit and while it might have been rambling it was surprisingly coherent. And of course what you say matters – somewhere in time and space and in a galaxy far, far away. I’m sorry you feel that you are an expert in nothing but hey – we can’t all be perfect can we? I know I’m not. You need to feel more positive about yourself. Buy that Frisbee! Walk that dog! Invest in a more tarty lip gloss for your inflatable life partner! Your sorry ass opinion, after all, is hardly going to change people’s lives, especially the crew of ROTW, so don’t let your confusion dumbfuck your own life. We at ROTW don’t take ourselves too seriously and we are amazed that anyone so deeply affected by our personal opinions and satirical observations should open himself to us in such a way. We are touched but not, apparently, as touched as you. Dr. Twisted recommends that, for the time being (or at least until you get through puberty), you refrain from hanging around blog boards containing material written by warped English bastards who steadfastly refuse to believe the sun of righteousness shines out of either Dubya’s or Bleugghh’s arses or the arse of any other politician you care to nominate. If such knowledge offends and injures your tender young psyche then I suggest you go visit somewhere more therapeutic and in keeping with your age – like the Teletubbies website.

Thank you for sharing your innermost feelings with us Yo. I believe everyone is entitled to an opinion. I found yours amusing and worthy of an honorable mention in despatches. Naturally, as a twisted, black-hearted, English bitch, I find that you epitomize the soubriquet of dumbfuckery. However, it is also my opinion that you are as miserable a bastard as any blogger who posts on this site. And this fellow miserable bastard, in recognition of this fact, salutes you.

Have a nice day now.

There Aint No Sanity Clause's cartoon de jour.

Another Mandy Moment.

Senator Amanda Vanstone, Australia's heavy-weight Minister for Immigyration, says there are hundreds of boats in Australian waters at any one time and it is possible they could carry terrorists.

"I don't have particular advice with respect to whether any particular boats have [terrorists on board], but I mean boats can carry any number of people with any number of occupations and any sort of intent."



There Aint No Sanity Clause.

TOP BOLLOCKS AND A LOAD OF OLD COBBLERS

I thought I would be speculating on how long it took Bleugghh to claim England's Rugby World Cup victory for his own but it seems that Joke Chirac has already beaten him to it.
He has claimed England's triumph as a victory for Europe.
A victory for Europe?
I think not, especially since Johnson's lads despatched the French national team in classic style.
When that twenty-seconds-to-spare drop kick flew off Jonny Wilkinson's boot he wasn't thinking of a European victory or giving advantage to any screw-yer-arse politican. He triumphed for his team; for the English fans; for England. So cobblers to you Wanker Chirac!!!
Never before have I watched such a nail biting match. I applauded Tuqiri's first try for Australia because it was so audacious. I applauded even harder when Jason Robinson scored his own try. And Wilkinson's foot continued to send the ball sailing between the uprights giving England a 5-17 lead at half time. Then all through the second half I was biting my nails, willing Elton Flatley to miss the penalties handed to him by the seemingly endless mistakes of the English side. The Wallabies pressed hard and I marvelled at their skill and tenacity (between the cussing) as they exploited every single mistake. By this time my nails were nibbled to the quick. And when the ref gave a penalty to the Aussies in the closing moments of the match, which allowed them to equalise, I was beside myself, groaning with the agony of it.
Both teams played brilliantly; England in the first half and Australia in the second half. But someone had to lose and I am overjoyed that this time it wasn't us.
The result more than made up for the shame brought upon us by our serially shite English cricket team. And Jonny Wilkinson outshone the serially thuggish, over paid and overrated football brat, Wayne Rooney, in both coolness of talent and decent behaviour on the pitch. They call football "the beautiful game"??? Kiss my ring!!! It's rugby all the way for me; a game played by real blokes rather than nancies in alice bands. Besides, Rugby players fill their strips far better than football players ever could and the raw energy they exude on pitch leaves this girl in a real lather. Gimme beefcake Johnson (and that Tuquiri's a bit of all right too) over weedy Beckham any day!!!
My congratulations to the English side for their stunning win and my commiserations to Sedgers for an equally stunning loss.

Innocent by degrees?

Both Bleugghh and Shrub went before the cameras yesterday and denounced the actions of the terrorists that destroyed lives and property in Istanbul. Both piously condemned the murder of innocent victims. And so they should. Terrorism cannot and must not be tolerated.
However, rhetoric about the innocent victims of terrorism, as spoken from the mouths of our wonderful Gruesome Twosome, to whom the innocent victims of the bombing of Iraq and Afghanistan were repackaged as as the more media friendly regretable-but-necessary collateral damage, makes their words ring very hollow indeed.
The words "glass houses" and "stones" spring instantly to mind.

Here's the steam off my shit...satisfied now.

With Uncle Tony and Great Uncle Bush rebuilding each others egos this week rather than rebuilding the shattered economy of Iraq, it would be a cheap shot for me to target the blatently obvious. But, in lieu of the fact that there are no red cross depots left, here goes nothing. If Uncle Tony so vehemently shares Great Uncle Bush's opinion that the only way to deal with violence is with more violence, resulting in the deaths of innocent people...but, hey, that's war...it's to be expected...then perhaps he should consider arming the British police force, arming the British public and bringing back executions. (All wonderful American institutions, of course, and look how well behaved their criminals are.) So what if a few children accidentally blow their own heads off? So what if a few innocent victims get fried in the chair due to miscarriages of justice? Hey...that's war and shit happens. Well....it certainly does when it comes to voting prime ministers and presidents into power. Fellow Americans, please remember, today's terrorists were yesterday's freedom fighters. Ever heard of the American War of Independence? When that terrorist leader George Washington rose up against the liberating and beneficient King of Eng-a-land with acts of violence? Oh...sorry...wrong century. We've all moved a little to the right of centre politics since then...a little closer to Adolf and Benito.
My message to those who ought to know better, "Go home Great Uncle Bush...and please take Uncle Tony, Great Aunt Elizabeth and that bigotted old nazi shit of a Great, Great Uncle Philip with you."

Just Dropping My Guts...

Michael Jackson, the lily-white pop starlet, has disappeared following a warrant issued for his arrest on multiple child abuse allegations. "We've no idea where he's hiding. That's the thing about Jackson," said a spokesman for the California police. "He just blends in with the crowd."

Meanwhile in Turkey terrorists have blown up the HSBC building. "This is a deliberate attack on Britain," said Tony Blair after wiping George Bush's semen from his chin at a press conference this afternoon. "The HSBC...otherwise known as the Hong Kong and Shanghai Banking Corporation...is a well known British target."
A second bomb also exploded in the British Embassy in Turkey this morning, killing twenty-five people. In a statement to the press, David Blunkett said, "We cannot tell you whether the British Ambassador was killed or not until we've informed his family."
Well done David...