Monday, November 24, 2003

Dear Dr. Twisted, I had a few minutes to spare and thought I'd just crimp this off...

Dr. Twisted would like to introduce you to the declaration of a very sensitive young man who wants to reach out to the world so that he can share the pain of his encounter with a black-hearted faction that so threatens his cosy security and rose tinted vision. His words come from the heart so Twisted, out of the kindness of her own cold and stony heart, is happy to oblige him.

Yo boy said:

Repeat after me: realize that nothing I say matters to anyone else on the entire planet.
My opinions are useless and unfocused. I am an expert in nothing. I know
nothing. I am confused about almost everything. I cannot, as an
individual, ever possibly know everything, or even enough to make editorial
commentary on the vast vast majority of things that exist in my world. This
is a stupid document; it is meaningless drivel that I do not expect
any of the several billion people on my planet to actually read. People who
do read my rambling, incoherent dumbfuckery are probably just as confused as
I am, if not moreso, as they are looking to my sorry ass for an opinion when
they should be outside playing Frisbee with their dog or screwing their life
partner or getting a dog or getting a life partner. Anyone who actually
takes the time to read my bullshit probably deserves to ingest my fucked up
and obviously mistaken opinions on whatever it is that I have written about.

And Dr. Twisted replied:

Don’t be so down Yo. I took the time to read your bullshit and while it might have been rambling it was surprisingly coherent. And of course what you say matters – somewhere in time and space and in a galaxy far, far away. I’m sorry you feel that you are an expert in nothing but hey – we can’t all be perfect can we? I know I’m not. You need to feel more positive about yourself. Buy that Frisbee! Walk that dog! Invest in a more tarty lip gloss for your inflatable life partner! Your sorry ass opinion, after all, is hardly going to change people’s lives, especially the crew of ROTW, so don’t let your confusion dumbfuck your own life. We at ROTW don’t take ourselves too seriously and we are amazed that anyone so deeply affected by our personal opinions and satirical observations should open himself to us in such a way. We are touched but not, apparently, as touched as you. Dr. Twisted recommends that, for the time being (or at least until you get through puberty), you refrain from hanging around blog boards containing material written by warped English bastards who steadfastly refuse to believe the sun of righteousness shines out of either Dubya’s or Bleugghh’s arses or the arse of any other politician you care to nominate. If such knowledge offends and injures your tender young psyche then I suggest you go visit somewhere more therapeutic and in keeping with your age – like the Teletubbies website.

Thank you for sharing your innermost feelings with us Yo. I believe everyone is entitled to an opinion. I found yours amusing and worthy of an honorable mention in despatches. Naturally, as a twisted, black-hearted, English bitch, I find that you epitomize the soubriquet of dumbfuckery. However, it is also my opinion that you are as miserable a bastard as any blogger who posts on this site. And this fellow miserable bastard, in recognition of this fact, salutes you.

Have a nice day now.