In a desperate attempt to win back voters the Tory Party have used their conference this week to promote a shiny, new and caring image of themselves to the British public. From now on the once self-centred and greedy conservatives will be sticking up for the underdogs, giving financial aid to those forgotten by society and creating opportunities for the socially worthless.

So, they're still thinking only about themselves then.

Duncan Smith surveying his murky future in a crystal ball at a recent meeting of Bald Pillocks Anonymous (Folically challenged men getting together to make complete arses of themselves!)