Scientists working with chimpanzees have reached a startling conclusion. Apparently, so little separates the chimps genetically from human beings that, from now on, they are to be classified in the 'homosapien' genus.
"This does not imply that Julian Clary needs to be reconsidered as a chimp," commented Dr Marilyn Ballcrusher of the American Research Studies Enterprise (A.R.S.E.). "However, the Bush administration are extremely relieved at the news. They can now ignore the countless legal threats from Animal Welfare Activists that they've been receiving. Law suits that claim the administration's treatment of President Bush has been appalling."
"See...I told ya!" responded Robin Cook at a press conference inside the giraffe compound at Knowsley Safari Park this morning, where he's been shovelling shit since he resigned from Tony Blair's closet cabinet. "Nobody was in the wrong putting Dubya in a suit and making him perform like that. My only hope now is that Dubya himself decides to reclassify the Arabs and put them in with the rest of us homosapiens."
Christopher Biggins, former star of 'The Jungle Game' and overweight gay boy, was unavailable for comment as he was rearranging Cliff Richard's bottom with his fist at the time...allegedly.