“We caught them in flagrante delicto,” said Constable Quentin Spiderpoke of London’s Thought Police, Lavender Hill Division. “When Colin Straightbloke was ordained as Bishop of Battersea we just knew it would only be a matter of time before we caught him officiating over a bi-sex marriage. He has now been taken to Greek Street HQ where he will be given a thorough probing. ”
“It’s disgusting,” said Assistant Commissioner Brenda Beanflicker. “An affront to our politically correct minority sensibilities. We won a seminal victory when the word “marriage” was finally expunged from government records and documents. Then it was a positive step forward when hetero marriage was no longer recognized in British law and having the word marriage removed from the dictionary was the icing on the fairy cake. Personally, I don’t think I can ever rest until heterosexual relationships are outlawed entirely and children conceived by artificial insemination. Maybe psychiatry can help these poor deluded non-gay souls.”
Bishop Straightbloke last week organized the protest supporting the cause of disenfranchised straight couples and their children. Millions marched On Downing Street to protest the decision of Prime Minister Tony Bleugghh’s government to wage war on old fashioned Christian values and bi-sex family units other than his own. Unfortunately the PM wasn't at home. He remembered, at the last minute, he was scheduled to hold talks with a delegation of Welsh and Yorkshire farmers in the north of England who are seeking to give sheep equal legal status on a parity with sponges and gusset typists.
Yesterday Bishop Straightbloke was determined to free his millions strong flock from what he describes as the oppression of politically correct “pink Nazi” minorities. “I’ll be buggered if I give up,” he said grimly.