Tuesday, November 12, 2002

Euro Trash!

In my opinion one of the main reasons why so many people in Britain detest the idea of a single European currency is not because of the numerous pros and cons that can be argued on its behalf but simply because of its name. Having a coin in your pocket called a 'Euro' sounds, to put it bluntly, shit. The word itself has become synonymous with extremely expensive but third rate crap, such as 'Euro Disney', 'Euro Vision' or 'Euro Fighter', a prefix nowadays that's almost a euphemism for 'The-Third-Rate-Version-Of-Something-American'.

Besides which it's totally gay. There are too many vowels...especially at the beginning and end. For some bizarre reason those who decide such matters keep making this mistake as the various 'instalments' demonstrate: EMU, ECU, EURO etc. Whatever bland little tit is responsible for the coin's title (how hard can it be?) is probably a transsexual as they seem to be good at vowel-riddled pretentious names.

Call it a Florin, or a Doubloon, or a Shilling, or a Sovereign...something altogether solid and historical sounding, and I've no doubt the vast majority of people would say, "Yeah...whatever. Just don't put Jacques Chirac's head on it, that's all I ask." But instead we keep getting the fiscal equivalent of Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen's living room...cheesy, uninspired and plastic. Although, in all fairness, since Mr Bowen appeared in the League of Gentleman with a fag in one hand and a comb-over wig on his head, he's gone up in my estimation. He now shares rank with fellow cottager George Michael, the word 'rank' being the operative word in that statement.