Sunday, February 23, 2003

Smoking Seriously Harms Your Social Status!

You can't go anywhere these days, if you're a smoker such as I am, without having some tosspot coughing into your face (cover your mouths you dirty bastards...I don't know about passive smoking but it's a proven fact that coughing openly spreads all sorts of diseases) or without running into some anti-freedom-of-choice 'No Smoking!' sign. They're everywhere. On the trams, in cafes, in hospital wards. There's even one in the local crèche now! I ask you, what's the point in that? The little bastards are too young to smoke anyway!

Last week the ever health-conscientious British government finally banned tobacco advertising once and for all. Yeah, that's going to stop us! No more adverts. No more amusing "Government Health Warning: Smoking gives you cancer!" posters. Well, that's me cured. Oddly enough, they haven't banned alcohol adverts yet. In fact, more to the point, the television, radio and magazines seem to imply that if you're not in the pub on a Thursday, Friday and Saturday night pummelling your liver until its the size of a walnut, then there's something socially wrong you. You're a misanthrope. A social inept. A tea-totalling weasel with no more right to live in Great Britain than a refugee raghead.

There's been an astounding increase in liver cancer in young women (God bless women's women can be every bit as shit and stupid as men and not have to worry about it) over the last few years. This might have something to do with the fact that they advertise alcohol during Children's television.

Then again smoking is a disgusting, anti-social habit, isn't it? I should know. I smoke a cigarette, stagger round the house, throw up on the carpet, piss on the cat, beat my wife to a pulp, swear at the kids and then get in my car, plough down thirteen kids at the bus stop and finally shag some prostitute with AIDs and blame it all on the nicotine.

Perhaps if they managed to make some sort of liquid from marijuana then the government would legalise it properly and finally claim all that lovely tax.