Saturday, March 01, 2003

Special Guest Appearance: Tony Blair (British Prime Minister...for now)

Hello everybody. I've decided that as "The Rant of the Week Blogger Board" is one of the most powerful media tools around today, and seeing as so many of it's countless millions of followers are anti-war...with legitimate reasons, of course, even if they are ignorant and stupid and wrong...and I do feel there is a great deal of anti-American sentiment going on around here...dare I say it, even cynicism...which shouldn't be tolerated...especially against the most just and politically correct British Government in the whole of history ever...we're all in this together you know? You've just got to trust me. Alright, I know my wife was hanging around with an Ozzie con-man for a while...but so's the editor of this board. And Cherie's underhand dealings are all in the past indeed are Jack Straw's and Peter Mandleson's and the rest of the cabinet's. And John Prescott's transvestite days are long over too. The editor here mind is still running this site with that bearded Australian bastard Bill Oddie or whatever his name is. Anyhow, where was I? Oh yes, my reasons for being here...

I put it to you all in a nutshell that you're wrong about the war against Iraq. In case you haven't realised it yet Saddam Hussein is a very naughty man. He killed millions of his own people with chemical weapons. Weapons supplied by the British and American governments perhaps, but we sold them to him for legitimate reasons...namely for bug control and weevil eradication. And he also used weapons of mass destruction against Iran. Yes, it's true that we told him to use them and even gave him the weapons to use and showed him where to bomb and when to bomb and how to bomb and all that. But he didn't have to follow us blindly, did he? That was just an evil thing to do.

Sometimes, you know, a Prime Minister has to do what's right for his country regardless of what that country's people think. Or the rest of the world. Or the religious leaders. Or his own political party. Or God. You see, I'm on a personal mission. Yes...I am. To spread democracy around the globe and make everybody happy and free. Power to the people and all that. (Er, no...better ammend that bit David before we post it...are you sure you can see what you're editing there?)

The point is this, and again I put it to you simply because...well, frankly, you're all a bit thick and wouldn't be able to understand me if I used big words...the truth is that bombing the crap out of hundreds of thousands of innocent people is morally superior to keeping an oppressive regime contained. Don't believe me? Ask General Pinochet then. And besides, Baby Jesus has told me to kill the towel-heads, so that's that. If you want to take it up with him then that's your perogative. But in the meantime the Iraqi War is scheduled for March 27th. If you don't like it, then go home and get an education. What do you mean, you can't have one of those unless you're rich now-a-days. You'll just have to trust me then. Look how big and brown and trustworthy my puppy-dog eyes are. See...I wouldn't harm a fly.