It's LETTERS TO THE EDITOR time...letters what I've bin openin' without permission for the last week 'cos Our Brian's not bin feelin' 'imself ('scuse my Innuedoe). An' what a load of old crap 'ee gets an' all. Complaints from the catalogue 'cos 'ee 'asn't ordered nowt! Coded instructions from that left wing paramilitary organsiation what 'ee belongs to. It's all crap ('scuse my Muldavian). 'Ee did 'owever receive this, what I thought I ought t' post 'ere seein' as it looked more important than 'is other rubbish.
Brian,
Sorry about my lack of appearance in both e-mail and on the blog. I was involved in a car accident at the beginning of the month and the fact I have in that time been hospitalised, sued, rehospitalised and also done one of my A-Levels has meant I sort of didn't have any time for blogging. However, I send this correspondence so you can let the lads and lasses know I'm not *quite* dead and that whoever it was that sent the letter bomb didn't have enough postage and that it went back to the sender.
Any'ow the letter drivels on a bit about 'ow the usual payments for nondisclosure of military secrets are 'idden under the third sink along in Brighton Avenue public bogs. And there's a cartoon included with the letter about some soldiers 'avin' lewd thoughts (god rest Our 'Enry's napsack) an' it's considerably better than anythin' that Our Brian 'as ever drawn I can tell y'. And then the 'ole thing is signed by Peter Cooper.
So there you 'ave it an' now y' know. The only other letters Our Brian's 'ad delivered this week are subscription renewels to Sheep Shaggers monthly an' a large turd ('scuse my Convict) in a brown paper bag from somebody calling 'imself Sedgwick. Our Brian, 'owever, 'as asked me to convey 'is best wishes and 'Get Well Soon' messages to Mr Cooper an' 'opes that as soon as 'ee's out o' the 'ospital (or the canteen as they call it in the military) 'ee'll be back where 'ee belongs on this board. I'm an 'undred and seventy-sixty y' know, an' I shouldn't be 'avin' t' do all this wi' my bunions!
Copyright P. Cooper 2003
