Saturday, June 21, 2003

Prince William gets the key to the door

Britain's Prince William has celebrated his 21st birthday today with a pledge to follow in the footsteps (tyre tracks would be the Deputy Editor's preference) of his famously caring (Indeed what's the point of the caring without the fame ... no point in it at all if no one sees the glossy 8 X 10s of your compassion.) mother Princess Diana and a filial defence of his father Prince Charles.

The second-in-line to the throne said he had been deeply influenced by visits to hostels for the homeless with Diana before her death in a 1997 Paris car crash.

"I learned a lot from it, more so now than I did at the time. It's made me aware," he said in a rare interview with Britain's Press Association.
(William was mortified, as was his late mother, to learn that these people not only didn't have their own palaces, but didn't have two servants to rub together.)

The prince, whom many Britons hope will fill the royal glamour gap left by Diana, was fiercely loyal about his father.

"He does so many amazing things. I only wish people would see that more because he's had a very hard time and yet he's stuck it out and he's still very positive," William said.

The interview did not make clear what criticisms William was specifically referring to.
(Possibly, amongst MANY others, the fact that he's completely irrelevant twat. Even his own mother knows that: "Just like his friggin' father, thick as a friggin' brick, mad as a barrel full of corgis. He's not getting anywhere near my sceptre and orbs while I'm alive and kicking. You thought my dear old mum lived for a long time?! You' aint seen nuthin' yet my dear little objects subjects!")

William has been on a carefully-choreographed program of events this week around his birthday designed to ease him into the inevitable limelight.

Footage released by the royal household showed him fooling around with his brother, Harry, before playing a polo game.

The images underlined both William's easy, informal manner* and the aristocratic lifestyle he enthusiastically leads.

The motorbike-riding "pin-up prince", as some media have dubbed him, is to hold an "Out of Africa" fancy dress party at his grandmother's Windsor Castle, outside London today.

"I thought it would be quite fun to see the family out of black tie," he said.

"My grandmother [Queen Elizabeth] may be slightly apprehensive as to what she's going to wear ... but I'm sure she'll look very amazing in whatever she chooses."

Embarrassed by *a "road rage" episode this week, in which he left a 76-year-old earl fuming in a cloud of dust, William revealed in his interview - conducted before the incident - how he is content with his second-hand car.

However, he added: "I imagine my father would go absolutely bananas if he saw me driving, blaring music out of the windows."
(Charles was seen in animated conversation with a number of bananas soon after hearing of the incident. They suggested that William should be given a stern talking to by the pineapples.)

With attention on William for his birthday equalling that of his birth and when he memorably trudged disconsolately to his mother's funeral, even bookmakers were getting in on the act.

A flurry of bets were being taken on when he would be king, get married - or even make a record with rocker Ozzie Osbourne.

Where's the chunder bucket? Where's Robespierre when you need him?
On a lighter note, An hour or so ago at the back of one of locals I frequent ...

"Two people have been shot dead in the Melbourne suburb of Essendon.

An eyewitness says two people wearing balaclavas approached a vehicle in the car park of the Cross Keys Hotel in Pascoe Vale Road at North Essendon.

They opened fire on the vehicle, killing the two occupants instantly.

A massive manhunt is underway in the Essendon area.

Police are searching for the offenders who were seen running across a football oval.

Police believe the two men are still armed.

A police helicopter is scouring the area - an Auskick football clinic was underway at an oval near the shooting."

Word at the local greengrocers' is that one *victim* was Jason Moran. ("He's a fucking lulu....if you smash five pool cues and an iron bar over someone's're a fucking lulu". Jason Moran on Alphonse Gangitano and the famous 1995 'Sports Bar Incident' in which the pair were involved.)

Shall be back up to the baker's for confirmation soon as I've unpacked the fruit and veg. Stuff the major media outlets. As it has ever been, the local village pump is always hours ahead of them.

UPDATE: Back from the baker's. Amazing turn of events ... "Mother Teresa is helping police with their inquiries".