Wednesday, July 02, 2003

Chiz Chiz!

How to suckseed at spin!

Ar dorm mastar is called Lord Alistar Cambell and he a secretty shadowy carachter! He say yuo got yurself in a tight hole this time Tony and no mistake forging that war with irakistan and shaggging those quoirboyz lik that! I'l hav to spin some ov yur stoopid bullshit (hem hem) into somethin wat looks gud and makes yuo apear to be a piuos and nobal prim minister. Then off he goes and leeks storys to the pres about how it was dooing the quoirboyz lots ov good to swollow all that seamen and choke on Tonies dik like that! He ver clever man and excelant at distrackting from the trooth!
Then the masters at the BBC get wind ov his shenanananigans (chiz chiz) and they say Mister Cowbell we are sick of yur lying boloks and yur eval wayz. Yuo hav lied abowt the figurs for educashun, for helth and povarty and evrything else in the hole of time ever! Yuo are a ver bad man and we will tell the Brittish pubic how yuo inventted the irakistan war and kiled milions ov inocent peeple just to take there minds of the problams back home. Then Alistare Handbell starts to get wurried. The game is up and his guose is cukked! But insted ov admiting to what hes duone he goes to the seleck comitey and he says those bastturds at the Beeeeb delibratly lied about me liing becos there all liing bastturds. Wich of curse they ar!
Big row brakes out! Chiz chiz! Fistycuffs in the quad and tooths been broked in the bikeshed! Lord Seleck of the Comity thros Sir Alistars cap on the roof and Sir Alisdair opens Lord Reez Moggs satchal and pidles inside it and the labor party and the torys and the whips all gather round in a cirkle and shout Barney Barney Barney becos mister Camber luks like a big talantlesz purpel dinosor!
And in the meentime ov course the rest ov the cuntry has forgoten abowt the ilegality of the irakistan war and mooved onto moor intrestin things such as David Beckems bals and wether the new bird (hem hem) in big bruver is a bloke with a cock or not.
So Mr Camberwell has won and we all adoor him and roust him into the playground shuoting well done Alistar you span us owt of anuther sticky hole my gud fellow now its time for a damm gud Hogwarts roistering.