Tuesday, August 12, 2003


The Chapel Driftwood Home for Hopeless Causes: Progress report on patient 132b (Mr B Hughes aged thirty-nine and eleven twelfths, of no fixed mental abode).

Patient shows signs of further deterioration through excessive exposure to sunlight and the banality of modern existence. Take this extract from his Enid Blyton's Bumper Jotter for Junior Diarists example:

"Last night I dreamt that I had taken a weekend break at Archaeology World, a depressive dump not too dissimilar to Pontins out of season with the added attractions of faked archaeological digs and cheap Hollywood look-a-likies wandering around killing the guests.
As one of my fellow detainees in the chalet next to mine put it to reporters, "I was thrilled to witness my brother-in-law shot repeatedly by a five foot two inch Welsh Arnie."
I dug a test pit round the back of the "Wattling Street Stores" and was delighted to uncover two strategically placed Victorian medicine bottles and half a Roman conversation. The conversation appeared to be written in Latin and was contained within a speech bubble with bite marks taken from the corners."

Doctor's comments: Patient unable to separate Time Team from fiction. Recommend five milligrams of whisky to be injected into the buttocks at regular intervals.