Friday, August 15, 2003

Important Things We Can learn From Television Adverts!

1) A product is completely crap unless we're told otherwise by somebody with an American accent.
2) Forget clitoral stimulation! The easiest way to bring a woman to orgasm is to cover her head with Herbal Essences Shampoo.
3) Apparently Beans Means Heinz...not gut rot and flatulence.
4) Drinking loads of alcohol means that by the age of thirty-five you'll have loads of mates but still be a virgin.
5) Women are better off driving smaller cars because men are better than they are.
6) British trains are roomy, luxurious and comfortable and not the overcrowded cess pits that we thought they were.
7) Educated people are socially backward, have goofy teeth, lots of spots and behave like morons.
8) To express your individuality copy everyone else.
9) Despite claiming that it must end soon the DFS sale will be with us forever.
10) McDonald Burgers are nutritious and wholesome and not slices of bulls' testicles wrapped in damp cardboard at all.
11) British roads are empty and surrounded by moorland and traffic jams are none existent, which is fortunate if you've just spent £10,000 on a brand new car.
12) People who live in Italy all have the plague.

Uncle Brian...filling in the board with crap like this because he couldn't be arsed watching the news today.