Following Cherie Blair's heart-warming speech the other night (Copyright The Anthony Booth Trust 1975) further allegations have emerged in the Scotsman this morning (insert innuendo here) concerning her involvement with Australian con man Peter Foster's deportation case.

Despite denying her acquaintance with the Ozzie crook -- "I hardly know the man, governor" -- Cherie Loganberry Blair, contrary to her previous blubbing, apparently contacted several judges and studied numerous documents concerning Foster's imminent 'booting-out-of-Blighty'. She then telephoned the crooked Australian bastard to tell him that she'd bribed the Home Office and sucked off Jack Straw and that his case had now been, "...lost behind a filing cabinet." Foster is reported to have said in response, "Cheap at half the price, Sheila me old Cobber. Two flats in darntarn Bristol and 'alf of Tower Bridge for fifty-quid and we'll say no more, Ma'am." At this point Mr Bumble the beadle stepped into the fray proclaiming, "The law is an ass! As indeed is Judge Booth's face which, frankly, looks like one of Gerald Scarf's drawings!" Taking a pinch of snuff from his waistcoat pocket, Bumble snorted ecstatically whilst pulling a face that resembled a bulldog suffering from haemorrhoids. The face belonged to Cherie Blair nee Booth the porn star. "I'll 'ave you know," the stout beadle continued rapping the flagstones with the knob of his cane, "...that the Palace is now involved." Bumble takes stock of his chins and his jowls relax with the elasticity of a punctured life raft. "Apparently they're suing you over your use of sympathetic speeches involvin' tremblin' lips and puppy dog eyes."

Mr Bumble's allegations however went unfounded as the Queen joined the melee at the very last moment. Apparently the copyright on "Speeches of copious bullshit designed to mislead the public and gain their sympathy" previously belonging to Saint Diana of Wales was given away to one of her gay servants back in the late 1980s to keep him quiet over arse-rape allegations committed by Prince Edward.

Other news and George Winston Bush has announced that American citizens can now have smallpox vaccinations despite the fact that the disease has been eradicated for twenty years. If memory serves from those hard taught lessons many decades ago in Mr Gradgrind's classroom (two Dickens references in one posting...how literary can you get?), vaccination consists of injecting the patient with a minute dose of the actual virus so that the body can build up a natural resistance to it. This must surely mean that, if the entire population of America wants to be treated, the American government must have a hell of a lot of smallpox still knocking about. So much for eradication. The most worrying pox in America today is the government it seems.