Friday, May 09, 2003

Visitors entering Gaza from Israel will now be forced to sign chits wavering the Israeli government from any responsibility should their troops bomb, shoot or otherwise kill, maim and knacker them. This particular idea has arisen from the killings of various British and American aid workers, peace protesters and journalists in recent months.
David Blunkett has welcomed the plans with open arms, proposing a similar chit for refugees and asylum seekers entering Britain.
"This way we can remove any legal blame from our own government ministers should they get caught torturing, hanging or buggering the refugees sideways," Blunkett explained to the official press conference rubber plant by accident. "It's just a pity that we didn't come up with this idea during the Iraq war."
Ex-Yorkshire Ripper and prostitute murderer, Peter Sutcliff, was heard to comment in prison this morning, "Fuck! I wish I'd thought of that."
Meanwhile three British Muslims appeared in court today to give evidence against their relatives, the British suicide bombers who detonated themselves in Israel last month. One of the bombers, Omar Sharif, failed to explode at the time. He was last seen running after a steam train in Moscow with a gap between his front teeth before having a heart attack and spoiling the whole film with a pathetic ending.
Other news and my satire chip appears to have broken.