Wednesday, May 07, 2003

What gives with modern film adaptations of Shakespeare that requires them to feature unnecessary and completely inappropriate homo-erotic bullshit? Shakespeare's bad enough as it is, the general rule of thumb being lots of screaming and misunderstood lines and running about and hamming it up, without having to fill three hours of claustrophobic screen time with moronic pretty boys touching each other's balls, stroking each other's hair and fisting each other's bottoms whilst waxing unlyrical shit!
I don't recall in Titus Andronicus when we studied it at school the rapists of Titus' daughter tickling each other's nipples and pounding each other's buttocks whilst plotting their adventure. I don't remember half the class having to get out their future wedding tackle during several of the scenes and run about tea bagging the rest of the pupils in the middle of some speech or other. (Well...apart from Mr Brigden our old English teacher, of course, but that had nothing to do with the bard.)
Has Shakespeare really become so unintelligible to the average pseudo-intellectual dolt these days that foreskins, shaved balls and bum fucking masquerading as classical acting is the only way that producers can get bums on seats? Or is it just that everyone in the RSC is pretentious, gay and exhibitionist? (Scratch that last suggestion...we already know that they are, so it's academic.)
Who can forget the Tempest when Toyah Wilcox swung her hefty tits into the camera and Christopher Biggins bummed the cabin boy then spent the rest of the film scurrying round in the nuddy? (Christ, that was a fucking horrible sight I can tell you! It takes years to recover from an experience like that!)
Well I've had enough! Shakespeare is best played straight and that's that!
'Nuff said.
Exit stage right pursued by queer.