Sunday, July 06, 2003

The Bootiful Game

Beckham passes to Witherspoon 'oo catches it on 'is shin an' dribbles it down the left field.
'Ee passes to Blackmoore 'oo 'eads it t' Kinnock!
He shoots!
He scores!
The crowd goes wild!
Grown men in tears, hugging each other an' jumpin' up and down!
All the women rip off their t-shirts an' get their tits out!
There's bonkin' and tit sucking right across the terraces!
Football! It's the beautiful game!
An' any man 'oo tells y' different is either gay or a fuckin' liar!
My mate Tarquin...'ee's bin seein' that bird 'oo runs the women's footy squad over at the Pig an' Whistle!
I keep tellin' 'im, "It ain't the same thing at all isn't women's footy! There's too many 'ormones flyin' around an' their tits get in the way."
Still, I'd shag 'er though, even if she 'as got a face like an 'odcarrier's elbow. An' if Tarquin found out an' wanted t' make sommet of it I'd 'ave t' kick 'is teeth in. Fuckin' puff! Makin' such a big deal over that old slapper!
Christ...everyone knows she's the local bike.
If 'ee's got sommet t' say 'ee'd better come down the pub an' say it t' me face, 'adn't 'ee? The big ponce!
'Is dad's a fag an' all! I could 'ave 'im any day!
All I'd 'ave t' do is kick his prosthetic leg from underneath 'im and the cunt 'ud 'it the ground 'eadfirst!
Right...'oo's gettin' the next round in?