Tuesday, July 08, 2003

"Nothing is sacred...except for my nipples"

The conjoined Iranian twins hermetically sealed at the head who have been making headline news around the World recently have tragically died at the Raffles Hospital in Singapore. After forty hours of massive PR surgery the operation failed and the media frenzy was called to a po-faced halt. Following the sad announcement, the ROTW staff approached Raffles Hospital with a new proposition, to separate Siamese twins Tony bin Blair and George W Bush, who are joined at the wallet.

"The operation would be even more problematic in this instant," commented Dr Frenchfries, the surgeon in charge. "These two only share half a brain and the risk of death must be estimated at ninety-nine point nine per cent."
Er...yeah...so what's the problem?

Meanwhile, on a council estate in Brighton, a six-year girl, last seen being bundled into a car, has turned up again in a neighbour's house. Six year old Summer (Summer? What sort of stupid name is that?) went missing last night, forcing concerned parents Mindy and Dragon (Dragon? DRAGON? Now you're just taking the piss!) to call the police. A brand new system to deal with child abduction was immediately put into place. Within two hours the missing child's photograph was being broadcast on the news but, unfortunately, the fat blotchy woman who lived in the house where Summer was staying was a council estater and therefore incapable of watching any news or educational programmes or apparently telephoning the child's parents.

Commented Chief Inspector Spastic, the investigating officer, "Obviously there are a few fuck ups in the system, not least the incredible stupidity of the people who live round these parts." When asked about the report of the child being abducted by a large gentleman, Spastic added, "It was probably just the fat bastard from number forty-two nicking the generator again. This lot round here 'ull steal anything!"

Note from Dep. Ed. Just tinkered with your posting a bit to check a few things out ... was it good for you too?