Sunday, March 02, 2003

The other night I had an epiphany. (Well, I'd been drinking and my bladder can only hold so much.) A big wet dream of such magnitude that I could suddenly see a better world unfurling before my eyes. (Actually two better worlds and two snakes of sick were unfurling before my eyes, accompanied by an extreme close up of the living room carpet, but that's beside the point.) I'd gotten round to thinking about what would happen after the Great Dictator had been toppled from his evil, ignorant throne...namely when the Labour back-benchers finally called a leadership contest. Who could possibly replace this corrupt and jug-eared man to save Britain from further tyrany? John "I eat babies for breakfast and horse shit for tea...if the smell of my breath is anything to go off" Prescott? God help us if that happened. We'd all be forced to pay tithes of sausages and lard and bacon fat to keep the overweight bastard busy. Margaret Beckett? Too dangerous for the news reporters...all those teeth. She could have somebody's microphone arm off at twenty yards if she got in a gob on. Robin Cook? He'd do well on the leprechaun vote but, well, frankly...imagine how embarassing it'd be if he went abroad to represent us.

Then suddenly it hit me. (Bounce back...diced carrots can store plenty of kinetic energy if they've stewed in the guts for long enough.)

Dianne Abbott!

Beautiful, bouncy, cuddly Ms Abbott. She led the backbench revolt on the Iraqi Crisis. She complained about the inequality of the monarchy. She stood up for her rights as a party member. She's round and sexy and lovely and fab. Just imagine if Tony spin Blair was defrocked (not very hard to imagine going off current sentiment I know) and Dianne Abbott made it into his shoes as the leader of the Labour party and therefore, because Uncle Tony had been removed whilst still in power, Prime Minister without having to stand for election!

Go on...imagine it!

That would be a dream come true, wouldn't it? Britain's first black female Prime Minister! And left wing to boot!

Think of the confusion it would cause to the Bush administration. Consider the progressive nature such a move would have on British politics, ousting it from the stuffy old chambers of retarded, inbred, white male chauvernists to a thoroughly modern, socialist future in which the War against Iraq was cancelled, Bush got a swift punt to his nadgers and everyone of every creed, race and gender could live happily ever after, amen!

So I'm starting a campaign. (Well, the anti-war movement did quite well on a global scale and that was started on the Rant of the Week board, so why not?) The idea is simple...let Parliament know that we want Dianne Abbott as replacement Prime Minister. Revolutionary, optimistic and sound! You know it makes sense. Start a lobby today...Dianne Abbott for P.M. Such a change of leadership direction for this tolerant and nobel island of ours should also knock what's left of the stuffing from those insufferable old shits in the Tory party! Elect Dianne Abbott if you want to see the Tories fuck off to foreign shores once and for all! Even if you don't agree with her politics, it's got to be worth it for that reason alone!

Feel free to display this banner on your site. Together we can stop this war and do something spectacular for Blighty!