Wednesday, March 05, 2003

Thousands of children in London abandoned their schools this afternoon (much like the government did several years ago) in order to protest outside Downing Street against the War with Iraq. Their vocal remonstrations made a noisy but pleasant change from the usual, "What are you lookin' at? Got a problem or sommet?" Unfortunately Tony Blair was in the House of Commons at the time (obviously more homework required, eh kids?) once again arguing the moral case for killing hundreds of thousands of innocent people. "I've been saying for ages that children should take more of an interest in politics," he commented later as a rotten egg collided with the back of his head. "Perhaps now the little bastards will understand the need for democracy." And Britain certainly needs a democracy again right about now.

Meanwhile in the United Nations the Iraqi Ambassador lost his temper with one of the Hawks (I'm sorry, I wasn't paying much attention whilst watching the news so I couldn't say exactly who it was) and put a curse on his moustache. The moustache has since been arrested for crimes against the Village People and sentenced to indefinite imprisionment in the Bush Clinic for Facial Hair Research.

This week "Baddiel and Skinner Unplanned"...or as it should be retitled... "Baddiel and Skinner Unamusing"..."Baddiel and Skinner Untalented" or, preferably, "Baddiel and Skinner Unemployed." This is going to be a difficult review seeing as I've never actually managed to sit through more than three minutes of this 'ad-lib' shite without changing the channel to something more entertaining (such as the test card) but there you go.

Two annoying, unfunny, misogyinist, football-loving, beer-swilling, self-opinionated-without-having-the-knowledge-to-hold-opinions-in-the-first-place benders sat on a couch taking well rehearsed pot shots at various brain-dead, ale-supping, sports fanatics in the audience.

David Baddiel enjoys talking about the joys of anal sex...most probably with Frank Anorexia-victim Skinner. Despite his university education he is a moron and can't play the piano to save his worthless little life. Not that it matters because Frank Skinner can't sing. In fact, neither of them deserve to live any longer. I have taken a fatwah out on their heads and on the heads of their families for being stupid enough to allow them to clamber out of their abortion buckets in the first place. I have taken a further fatwah out on their moronic audience for being ignorant fuck-wits and finding this stale old shite in the slightest bit amusing.

To quote an example of their off-the-cuff wit: "I think politics is boring. I didn't even know who Peter Mandleson was this morning. Don't you think politics is boring? It's just not relevant to real life." (No...I'm afraid it's not meant to be ironic.) This coming from a pair of wankers who had a television series devoted to 'Fantasy Football.' (Another unamusing load of old crap for braindead bum-fuckers.)

That's enough of that then. I've spoken for five minutes more than I've ever watched their post-pub televisual offering and, like Ricky Gervais in his boxing match against that stuck-up slapper Anthea Turner's husband, I've pulled too many punches.

Next week: BBC3's "Swiss Tony" and why that bloke out of the "Fast Show" who wrote it ought to be ashamed of himself.