Saturday, August 02, 2003

The past has come back to haunt the Prescotts today in the shape of a previously suspected abortion that managed to clamber its way out of the NHS bucket and back into society over fifty years ago. Pauline Prescott, eighties Thatcherite Dynasty star and husband of British Sumo Wrestling Champion and Deputy Shit, John Prescott, gave birth to an illegitimate nazi back in the 1950s. The child was created in a top secret bunker using Adolf Hitler's sperm and then implanted into Pauline Prescott's neck using her husband's needle dick.
Sensing that producing children out of wedlock might seriously crimp her political aspirations Pauline then raffled the child in a pub to a passing sailor before taking up her seat on the Casterbridge Council.
Unfortunately, now the offensive offspring has clawed his way back to his mother's sagging bosom to claim his inheritance before John Prescott eats the whole fucking lot.
"They've been extremely pleasant to me all things considered," explained Major Cockup Prescott to the press this morning. "Especially seeing as I've never voted Labour in my life. I'm a fox hunting Tory and proud of it!"
In that case he should fit right in with the bastards!
JK Rowling is currently suing the Major for once having been a child.