Sunday, March 30, 2003

The Coalition of the Incredibly Stupid have decided to adopt new battle tactics today. Finding themselves increasingly bogged down by guerrilla warfare in which trained Iraqi soldiers don the costumes of ordinary civilians and mingle mercilessly with the plebs, the allied forces have been clamping down on the movement of journalists. Apparently this is for their own good as Iraq is an extremely dangerous place to be right now. (A matter, apparently, of which the journalists weren't aware.)
Also for 'the good of the Iraqi people' television transmitters and telephone masts have started being removed in force.
"Most of these installations have/had dual civilian, the other military," explained a spokesperson from the Ministry of Operations, Room 101. "Once journalists are banned from Iraq and the television stations stop their propaganda-filled broadcasts we can go in and kill as many civilians as we damn well like. These bastard elite forces are impossible to separate from the crowd. So we've no other choice but to take the whole frigging crowd out. Nobody wants to see mass slaughter on this scale when they're eating their bangers and mash so it's journalists and television masts first, the hearts, minds and various limbs of the Iraqi citizens second."

Other news and I forgot to put my clock forward last night. This morning I woke up and stumbled into the kitchen door which had been open at the time but which I'd closed half an hour later to allow continuity due to my sense of time being completely out of whack but being knocked off balance by an hour was in a state of phasic flux. Then I ran into myself coming back from the cafe which I haven't actually done yet but intend to do just as soon as I've woken up and posted this before it was written.