"You need to think outside the box!"
Anybody who actually uses such a contemporary cliché as that is obviously incapable of original thought, as the very expression shows, regardless of their self-perception...or possibly lack of it. In my lifelong quest to find an ounce of genuinity, a single point of purpose and a semi-intelligent 'outside the box' theory amongst the human race, I've yet to find an egalitarian religion that isn't elitist, a peace loving nation that doesn't start wars and an art critic that understands art.
"What was going through Leonardo's head when he painted this symbolic representation of the blood of Christ on the unleavened loaves was his desire to express the religious hypocrisy of his times in terms of physical structure."
What sort of bullshit is that?
How the fuck do you know what was going through Leonardo's head, you arrogant bastard?
The chances are he was just thinking, "Hmm...this looks a bit lopsided. Perhaps a bowl of bread stuck in the bottom corner might balance it up a bit."
"This particular piece...'Exploded bed with strands of used toilet paper hanging from it'...bends the rules of art and challenges our aesthetic notions."
A word of artistic advice to the critically challenged. Go suck eggs you remedial spastics! What rules of art? Why are 'Artistic Expressions' that challenge those so-called rules of art always such shit? Don't you think that the actual 'rules' of Modern Art these days, ironically, are to be always challenging preconceptions and producing something so crap that it has to be taken seriously by pretentious gobshites who wouldn't know emotional interpretation from a used condom?
These pieces of uninspired shit aren't challenging the rules of art at all if the rules of art insist that art must be challenged in the first place. How about challenging art with something unchallenging for a fucking change? That's the only challenge left...other than dropping your ostentatious pretensions and learning to speak out of your mouths instead of your bumholes.
And Leonardo da Vinci wasn't the greatest artist that ever lived, either!
To be truthful his paintings were wank! He was a clever bloke...I won't deny that. But a truly great painter? Bullshit! Absolute bullshit! Not unlike the programme on BBC2 of the same name.
Critics...stop raising the passable to genius and the laughable to serious.
And you cunts on The Late Review (now known as 'Newsnight Review' since you were downscaled, I believe) you can fuck off and take your risible opinions with you and all...go on...fuck off back to your illiterate, small-minded, Lawrence Llewelyn Bowen designed shitholes and write something intelligent yourselves before you start analysing the latest James Bond film in terms of its Freudian values or praising some modernist heap of dung that's fallen out of a pig's arse as though it's something of spiritual significance!
Vociferous anti-war campaigning Labour MP, George Galloway, has been accused by the Daily Telegraph of accepting substantial sums of money from the now deposed Iraqi regime and of having anal sex with Saddam Hussein.
"We have the documents and photographs to prove it," said a spokesman for the newspaper. "You can see his toenails and everything."
George Galloway denies the charges, putting the blame squarely on the Telegraph's campaign to discredit the anti-war movement and a mistranslation of the Arabic documents uncovered.
"It's not me they want," Galloway stated firmly at a press conference this afternoon to which the Telegraph was uninvited. "It's James Galway they're after...the Islamic Fundamentalist supporting flautist. The one with the spastic eyes!"
Well done Rupert.
Meanwhile, in Iraq, protests amongst fundamentalist Shi'iteheads continue to grow in opposition to the American occupation. (They don't seem to mind the Brits and Aussies still being there you notice.) Small pockets of politics have sprung up throughout the country headed by the usual gangs of thugs. It seems that now is the time for George Dubya to either hold true to his promise of democratic freedom and watch from the wings as his plans for Iraq's oil exports go down the pan or call on Uncle Tony again for some freshly spun bullshit to get him of the political quagmire he's generated.
Well done George.
Other news and my stitches were removed this morning revealing a slightly indented naval, four scars and several bald patches where my recently regrown hairs were torn away. Without support the wounds are now hurting again making me wonder why I was so anxious to have the stitches removed in the first place. A situation not entirely unlike that of a certain Middle Eastern country I can't be arsed naming, I suspect. Unfortunately my painkillers also ran out this afternoon...
Well done BUPA and well done to the NHS for paying all that cash out to support the BUPA regime.