Thursday, May 01, 2003

Some bird with big jugs on the telly last night reckoned that fish can feel pain. Too bleedin' right they can, mate! Where would the fun be in stickin' an hook through their gobs and then smackin' their heads against a rock if they didn't feel nowt?
Apparently the RSPCA are now calling for a ban on shittin' angling. What a bunch of wankers! Fish are bleedin' stupid creatures and wouldn't know the difference any'ow.
I enjoy a bit of the old rod dangling meself. There's nowt better than cracking open a six pack of Boddies, sticking a worm on me tackle, pullin' out the jazz mag from where I've 'idden it under me jumper and pulling me pud settling back on me canvas stool to listen t' Radio One full blast down the old sewerage pit at the back of Sainsburies of an afternoon. Keeps me out of the way of the missus' feet it does, so she can get on with the 'ooverin' and stuff...y' know what I mean...all that crap what women do that men shouldn't know about with nappies and baby's shit and cookin' and tampons!
Ban fishin'? Fuckin' puffs! Fish are thick. Sometimes you catch the same one over and over again 'cos the silly bastards never learn nowt. Bit like my mate Charlie, actually, 'oo had an 'eart bypass operation and then had three pints, a packet of fags and a chip butty within half an hour of leaving the 'ospital!
How dare they try t' ban fishin' the cunts!? Next thing you know they'll be bannin' swattin' flies and kickin' snails and beltin' your own kids and then where would we all be? Over run by fuckin' gastropods and kids what answer back, that's where! Just like the Pakis round 'ere! You can blame that on those bleedin' do gooders an' all! Stirrin' the Pakis up to get smart with their betters! 'Oo the fuck do they think this country belongs to?!

Editor's note: If you have a different view than the bloke in the pub, or even if you just think he's an ignorant cunt, then you'd probably be right. Unfortunately there's fuck all we can about it.