Thursday, May 29, 2003

Attendants recover after in-flight attack

Two flight attendants who foiled an alleged attempted hijacking of a Qantas flight from Melbourne to Launceston today are recovering from their ordeal.

A 40-year-old man is still being questioned by Federal Police over the incident.

Twenty minutes into the flight from Melbourne to Launceston, a man armed with two wooden objects allegedly attempted to gain access to the cockpit.

Board softly but carry a big stick ... or two. Tasmania ... ever the rogue stake state.

Given that the Coalition of the Willing have not found the weapons of mass destruction quite as much as they would like (YES, I believe those elusive 100 metric tons of WOMD were the reason for lighting the blue touch paper!) perhaps Littlejohn might offer these up as a viable substitute. (Yes, I am being quite silly, but not as silly as some others and I don't seem to have quite as much egg on my face as some I could name. Military Intelligence seems to be living up to its oxymoron ... well above and beyond the call of duty.)

Govt defeats Ruddock censure motion

The Federal Opposition has lost a censure motion against the Immigration Minister, accusing him of failing to adequately explain why he granted permanent residency to a man who had been rejected four times before.

Labor asked Philip Ruddock whether the visa was granted after the applicant donated $3,000 at a Liberal Party fundraiser which the Minister attended.

Mr Ruddock says his decisions have never been influenced by political donations, and his Cabinet colleague Tony Abbott agrees.

"I can guarantee that didn't happen," he said. "Nothing like that ever happens at Liberal party fundraisers."

The Libs never leave a paper trail. Certainly not a brown paper bag trail. Circumstantial evidence is always problematic and on this occasion I am willing to give my usually generous benefit of the doubt stance a big swerve. Anything is possible when it involves this cadaverous Minister.

Australia doesn't need the ABC: Govt MP

A Federal Liberal MP says there is a minority view in the Government that Australia does not really need a national broadcaster.

The comments follow allegations by Communications Minister Richard Alston that the ABC's coverage of the war in Iraq showed an anti-American bias.

The Howard Government has asked the ABC to investigate the AM program's coverage of the Iraq war.

Communications Minister Richard Alston says he has written to the managing director of the ABC, Russell Balding, seeking an urgent investigation into the reporting of the recent Iraq conflict.

In his letter, Senator Alston has referred to more than 60 examples where he says it appears that appropriate journalistic standards may not have been upheld.

AKA fawning uncritical support. To be entirely even handed ... when am I ever not? ... F**K THE TORIES! HOWARD TURD! SCREW ALSTON BUM TIT FART! OWN FRIGGING GOAL! (Sorry, that was the Tourette's talking. Red card? ... fair cop ump guv.) the Labour Party when in power likewise subscribes to the view that the ABC's role is to be the cipher of the Government of the day.

Senator Alston says the Government will be considering the implications of this matter, including what further action should be taken.

The journalists' union, the Media Entertainment and Arts Alliance, argues the Minister's allegations are an attempt to intimidate the broadcaster and its staff.

The Member for the western Sydney seat of Parramatta, Ross Cameron, says it is unfair that such a significant amount of taxpayer funding goes to a broadcaster with such a small audience.

Now let's run the microscope over the telecasting of Parliament that the pollies so zealously support? Now there's an audience you could count on the knuckles that the Member for Parramatta drags through the primordial corridors of Parliament House.

Queen accepts Hollingworth's resignation

The Queen has accepted Dr Peter Hollingworth's resignation and his commission as Governor-General will end tomorrow.

The proudly independent, autonomous nation of Australia is eternally grateful to the head of a foreign nation for sparing time from her busy flower show opening schedule to drag out the quill, don the black cloth and despatch this troublesome priest to the obscurity for which he has shown himself to be eminently qualified.

Bows, scrapes, retires walking out backwards, averting eyes ... 'umble, 'umble ever so 'umble.

Henceforth the "Peter Principle" when applied to such foolish and poorly qualified clerics aspiring to such high office will be referred to as the "St. Peter Principle".

PM defends $11,000 a night hotel bill

The Prime Minister has defended a hotel bill of more than $40,000 he ran up during a visit to Rome last year.

John Howard spent four nights in the royal suite of the city's top hotel at an estimated cost of about $11,000 a night.

Mr Howard says the standard of accommodation was no different to that chosen for previous prime ministers.

So that makes it right? Littlejohn has always identified himself with the "Aussie battler", all those working class heroes who book hotel rooms at $11,000 a night, who are loaned television packages by Telstra worth up to $20,000 to have a quality digital TV experience and who barely get light-headed on their $25,000-a-year wine bill.

Jesus was gay - $51,000 says so

Jesus was gay – the University of Queensland gave $51,000 of public money to a PhD student to reach that conclusion.

Melbourne-based Rollan McCleary, who will today be awarded his doctorate, earned $17,000 a year to work on his three-year thesis on homosexual spirituality.
As well as his revelation about Christ, Dr McCleary has also reached the conclusion that three – or possibly four – of Jesus's chosen disciples were also gay. A former Paris radio broadcaster, Hong Kong teacher and graduate of London University, Dr McCleary lived in Brisbane while completing his thesis.

He said Jesus's astrological chart, clues in the scriptures to which the churches had been blind and accurate biblical translations had all played a part in his conclusions. "The starting point is the matter of John, who always referred to himself as Jesus's beloved disciple," Dr McCleary said.

30 pieces of silvers says Buddha was a pre-op transexual. There's funny stuff in the water round Brisbane way ... but he's got the 51 grand so who am I too bitch? Who? Someone who hasn't got 51 grand for stating the bleedingly irrelevant.

The day shouldn't pass without mention of Bob Hope's 100th birthday. An impressive age, however his jokes are much older.