Sunday, May 25, 2003

Oz G-G quits

Doctor Peter Hollingworth has announced he has quitting as Governor-General of Australia.

The announcement was made in a written statement issued a just before 5:00pm AEST.

Dr Hollingworth has been under intense pressure to quit, since an Anglican church report found he had acted inappropriately by allowing a known paedophile to continue in the ministry.

He has also been attacked over a letter he wrote last week, suggesting a 14-year-old had started a relationship with an adult church worker.

So long Pete. What took you so long Pete?

Now Australia awaits his replacement. Effectively it is a personal appointment by the Prime Minister of the day. Having buggered up this one comprehensively (forget the specific manifold character flaws of Hollingworth ... what was a cleric doing in the job in the first place? ... division of Church and State and all that) we can hardly wait for Little Johnny's inspired choice for Her Old Grey Marejesty's representative in Australia.


1/2 Equal. A retired judge ... always the front runner, and in these circumstances a retired female judge is looking a strong possibility.

1/2 Equal. A former Australian politician ... of a distinctly Tory disposition.
(Mark down the name Tim Fisher. He's the one not in the dress.)

11/4 A member of the House of Saxe-Coburg ... one of them has to get something remotely resembling a job.

5/1 A former sporting figure ... undoubtedly a willow weilder.

10/1 A member of the clergy ... John is nothing if not dogged and hates being proven wrong. (Possible early market shortener.)

15/1 A former cast member of "Neighbours" ... for no other reason than to short circuit another failed pop music career.

33/1 A superannuated Colonel Pewter ... geriatric Pommy military types were all the go back in the 50s, and John is a man firmly rooted in the 1950s.

1000/1 An indigenous Australia ... sorry, but what sort of example would that be, we've just trained them to use the tradesman's entrance. We don't need no uppity natives.

10000/1 Sedgwick ... yes, I was offered the gig but I baulked at the bit in the contract requiring the GG to service Janette while John was away in Canberra screwing the country.

Editor's own book:

3 to 1 against but rising swiftly, Peter 'Don't mention the fact that I'm gay or I'll sue you' Mandelson.

1 billion to one against turning odds on favourite: Clare 'My face is a comely as a bulldog's anus' Short.

Deputy Editor and Bespoke Turf Accountant notes that there has been an avalanche of "educated money" placed on Ms Short. I'm not surprised. I note that her willingness to resign compares well with the current track record holder Peter Hollingworth.

From the Centrebet Form Guide: "Aged mare, notoriously slow out of the barrier but will stay all day. First start on this track but worth considering as an each way bet."