Friday, March 21, 2003

Be-beep... be-beep .. be-beep. Dit-dah ... dit dah .. dit dah.

Hello world, this is Peggy Farcus, the only officially credentialled Australian War Correspondent and International Journalistic Icon.

I have been personally appointed by John Howard to report to the nation on Australia's military involvement in Iraqistanbul. Be assured that my reports will not be vetted or compromised by the restrictions imposed on other journalists by the American Ministry of Truth. I am not going to be one of those toady journalists "embedded with American troops", I will be bedding our own brave Diggers. Indeed the Prime Minister's parting words to me were "tell it as you see it Peggy, don't hold back, do what you have to do to get the true story about our brave lads and here's a free pack of Trojans. God bless you Peggy Farcus."

I am travelling with the Australian soldiers to bring you their story up close and personal. I travel in the Australian jeep, I bunk down each night in the Australian tent. I muck in each night and stoke up the field barbeque and make sure the boys eat their greens. I am on a first name basis with each and every one of our lads here in Iraqistanbul. There is the intrepid leader and veteran of the campaign at Mafeking, Colonel Mainwaring, Private Pike, a little wet behind the ear (he lost his right ear during a hostile card game in the trenches at Gallipoli) but hot to trot and a "Smart Spitball" expert and finally Private Godfrey, a Kalgoorlie boy born and bred, who despite having lost an eye, an arm and both legs was specifically chosen for this crusade because of his expertise in landmine detection and defusing.

I shall be back later with detailed reports, but for the moment I have been ordered to get under the jeep as there are enemy French troops approaching believed to be armed with garlic breath of mass destruction. As you can see by the picture above I am never without my gallic gas protective suit.

Be-beep... be-beep .. be-beep. Dit-dah ... dit dah .. dit dah ... over and out for now.

"Come on, get under the jeep Godfrey! Step on it lad!"