I don't know what all the fuss is about! So the Yanks bombed a market place and killed a few Iraqis. You can't tell me they didn't deserve it. It's a bleedin' war for Christ's sake! What the bloody 'Ell did everyone expect? That Geoff Hoon bloke got it right. 'Ee said the war was going accordin' to plan. Which means they obviously intended to bomb the bastards!
If you ask me there's too much farting around anyhow from those big army puffs. We mustn't hit 'ospitals. Watch out for the schools. For fuck's sake! Drop a nuclear bomb on the twats and teach 'em a lesson they won't forget! It's the only way to deal with these towel heads. You've got t' show 'em who's boss! If y' don't kill 'em off now the rest of those Arab bastards with their 'Praise be to Allah's and their 'Death to Democracy's will start gettin' the wrong idea. Next thing y' know the price of petrol will be through the roof and then where will me plumbing business be? I can't get to work if me bastard van won't fuckin' start, can I? Nah...fuck the lot of 'em! They're all vermin!
These bastard sand wogs have been scrounging off Britain for too long anyhow. Half me bloody wages go on tax for these fuckin' refugees. Well...they would if I paid any tax. But principles are bleedin' principles so they can all fuck off back to their shitty deserts and be fucking grateful we're liberating 'em.
And as for these holier-than-thou gay fuckin' students goin' on about stopping the war! What would 'ave happened if we hadn't stood up to Hitler, eh? Where would their 'Freedom of Speech' be now? It's all very well saying that 'Freedom of Speech' is the inalienable right of a democratic country, but when they start talkin' shit somebody ought to tell 'em to shut the fuck up!
Fuckin' wog lovers! Y' can't do a bleedin' thing right for 'em, can y'?
Editor's note: We have been informed that the 'Bloke in the Pub' is less than six months away from total liver failure. So there might be hope for mankind yet.
We'll meet again "thud"
Don't know where, don't know when "Boom!"
But I know we'll meet again "BANG!"
Some sunny day "CRASHBOOMKERBOLLOCKS!"
We apologise for the loss of Iraqi television. Normal propaganda will be resumed as soon as we've dug out the spare mast.