Basra airport secured: Blair
However it it believed that it will be another 3 weeks before the same can be said for Heath Row.
New assault on Nasiriya
The two columns of assault vehicles were officially redesignated as amphibious after they ended up in the Euphrates river after being shot down by an Australian Patriot Boomerang in the 519th incident of "just good cobbers fire".
Putin promises to examine Iraq sales claims
After representations from Senator Charlton Heston, President Bush informed President Putin that the WMD Free Trade agreement has not yet been signed and that until such time as it was the American Arms Manufacturers had sole rights to supply military equipment to Iraq.
Arab League ministers draft anti-war resolution
Spokestowelhead Sheik Ra Tellen Rol said that the Arab foreign ministers were happy to allow the Australian presence in to remain. "We have spoken to their commanding officer, Bruce of Arabia and the two other soldiers comprising the Australian army and have granted them refugee status. They feared that if they were returned to Australia they would be paraded as "show heroes" by the
Turkey set to ignore US warnings on troop deployment
Turkey shoot coming up.
Saddam in 'full control' of Iraq: Aziz
Whitehouse Spokesgoebbels Heidi Fleischer counter attacked with a sharply worded statement. "George and the entire US Adminstration are fully in control of their minds. The President himself assured me, but moments ago, that there were 4378 spots on the wall ... and counting. Tom Ridge will be issuing the next terrorist alert as soon as his wife has finished with the paint swatches and decided on a color. Secretary Donald Himmlersfield continues to have confidence in his own convictions and will convict anybody else who disagrees. Colin Powell remains upbeat about events and expects he will become visible again in a few weeks. The Department of Homeland Security has confiscated the "Acme Invisibility Tablets" that were given away with the latest issue of "Military Super Heroes" comics.
Missile shot down over Kuwait
General Tommy Frankenearnest has immediately apologised to the Iraqi field commander. "Unfortunately such incidents will happen when opposing forces don't follow rules of engagement. British Air Command has deviously resorted to disguising their Tornado aircraft as Iraqi missiles in an attempt to evade our Patriot missiles. Be assured this won't happen again. You can lead a horse to water but a one eyed man can't thread a camel through the eye of a noodle in the kingdom of the blind."
"We're currently taking stock of the situation," Captain Patrick Trueman said.
"We were expecting a lot of hands up from Iraqi soldiers and for the humanitarian operation in Basra to begin fairly quickly behind us, with aid organisations providing food and water to the locals.
"But it hasn't quite worked out that way.
"We always had the idea that everyone in this area hated Saddam. Clearly, there are a number who don't."
No, Patrick me boy, they just hate Dubbya and the idea of an army of occupation more.